It has, I am sorry to say, been a long time since little Melanie, Matt, Dobby, and Whats-her-name at Viagraville lived up to their priapic reputation. So long, in fact, that I was just about to send them the name of a good urologist when (undoubtedly in answer to the prayers I never quite got around to offering on their behalf) they appear to have discovered where Matron had hidden the Kool-Aid, and once again managed to get Deacon Wobbly pointing in a roughly vertical direction.
No, I’m not talking about Dobby Ould’s thoughtful presentation of Islamic evangelism. Although given the spectacular inability of his beloved House of Jensen when it comes to winning converts, Dobby’s enthusiasm is really quite understandable: compared with the miserable package he and his fellow serfs of Mordor have to peddle, a religion which merely encourages taping explosives around one’s nether-regions and then self-detonating is an easy sell by anyone’s standards.
Rather it’s little Matt Kennedy’s breathless announcement – “A New Diocese in Formation in the Southwest” – that proves the self-injection kit somebody ordered from an unregistered medical institute in Tijuana is working. Certainly the announcement itself is rather prosaic once the link to the details is followed: eighteen congregations in the dynamic metropolis of West Texas and New Mexico have voted to apply to form their own subset of Bobby Duncan’s sect (as opposed to joining one of the existing subsets – which would of course be unthinkable, on account of there already being at least three Clergy in ACNA not yet appointed as Bishops) , but the dialogue that follows is priceless. Let’s follow the thread:
“Fr. Dale” (obviously one of the aforementioned three) serves:
“Why does it appear that there seems to be a lack of transformed lives for those newcomers in our churches?”And “timmysdaman” returns:
“I would venture (very related to your post)that at least part of the reason is the lack of exorcisms performed on new members. That used to be a normative part of the discipleship/catechesis process”The subsequent volley is of the standard we once expected from Viagraville; a brilliant exchange with far too many gems to quote them all. Highlights include “I waited 7 years in AMiA to be confirmed… it never happened, nor was it even mentioned once. I would venture a guess that we might find several AMiA clergy that have never been confirmed.” (timmysdaman) and “ I already have an idea for a book that will deal with the failure of the current mental health models to deal with problems the church has outsourced.” (Fr. Dale), but by the time you read this I’ve no doubt many more will have been added (although quite possibly also “moderated” on account of the argument transcending even little Matt Kennedy’s not insignificant threshold of silliness).
But you’ll have to excuse me: a couple have arrived with their baby for a pre-baptism interview, and I can feel My Spirit bearing witness that the very attractive young mother has a Jezebel demon in need of my ministry. While the father, who looks like he may be wearing after-shave, is clearly held captive to ancestral spirits of homosexuality. Undoubtedly his mother had an uncle who was a Freemason. Now has anyone seen my recording of Tubular Bells?
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.