Friday, May 14, 2010

My Durham Application.

Click to view full-size image.



Personally I think the job's as good as mine.

33 comments :

H. M the Queen said...

Before I appoint you to Durham, my husband and I invite you to tea at Buckingham Palace. I will need assurance that, if appointed:
1 You will live in the United States.
2 Write books that no one in Durham ever reads.
3 Stay away from Durham Cathedral
4 Pretend there are no gays in your Diocese
5 Abolish the Episcopal Church.
6 Be a total arsehole

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Your Majesty,

I'd be delighted to drop around for a little knees-up in order for us all to become better acquainted. Would Phil like Consuella to bring
a few of her girls from the pole-dancers fellowship to help liven things up a little?

As for your six points, please let assure you that I am already famous for being a total arsehole, and Laymen Matt Kennedy of Binghamton, Kenya, and Deacon Dobby Ould of Sydney, Australia, will happily testify in support of this fact. Once enthroned I promise to never go anywhere near my See, although I would like to reestablish the Prince-Bishop's ancient right to mint coins and salvage shipwrecks.

H. M the Queen said...

Prince Philip has already increased the strength of his heart tablets in anticipation of Consuella's visit and wishes to have an audience in his private chambers. I'm afraid I haven't heard of Mr Kennedy or Mr Dobby Ould, as it's not my custom to mix with common people.
PS Is it OK if Prince Edward shows you his Polo Balls?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Rest assured, Your Highness, that a great many people will deeply respect you for never having heard of my two referees: I have myself received correspondence from subjects of yours currently held prisoner in somewhere called Neutral Bay ( a wishy-washy liberal sounding name for a place if ever I heard one) who very much wish they could also say they've never heard of Dobby.

If you wish I can also bring Brother Richthofen's Friends from Seminary: Prince Edward will have a grand old time discussing musical theater with them.

H. M the Queen said...

After I have appointed you as +Christian Dunelm, you are to be my special envoy who I am sending to my Australian Colony. I have issued an edict for the immediate beheading of Peter Jensen and all his minions. As "Defender of the Faith", I will not tolerate deranged heretics masquerading as Anglicans.
PS I am arranging to have Kenyan Americans to be burnt at the stake.

Anonymous said...

Word on the streets Downunder is that the Sydney Diocese is about to declare itself a republic to avoid surrendering and facing discipline.
With the sentiment of Gough Whitlam (ex Australian Prime Minister)...
God save the Queen, because nothing will save the Archbishop!

Anonymous said...

Pretend that there are straights in the clergy, that the number of young people in churches is increasing and the Mainline Protestantism's best days are ahead of it and that its congregations are a dynamic reflection of the US in all its diversity.
Now there's a fantasy.

Hallowed Malitia said...

The legacy of evangelical hardliners will be a dusty Bible tucked away in a museum for some New Age spiritualist or atheist to write a text called 'The Non-Dynamic Infallible Word of God'. Sadly, the book should read 'The Stagnant Interpretation of the Evangelical Fundamentalist'.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like a stained glass window to help remember the Archbishop of Sydney!
Connect 09 could never work with an Archbishop who finds it so hard to connect with most members of society. In his previous role as the principal of Moore College, he had the need to vet potential students for (political) suitability. Of course what this really did was display his incredible inadequacy and insecurity in dealing inquiring minds.
Compassion and empathy were discouraged and feelings in general were described as emotional disturbance. Truth became tainted innuendo and ommission of information.
All that mattered was a prestigious position of privledge to benefit a chosen few.
Jesus left the diocese and was replaced with strategic management plans.
Not much has really changed except the final outcome.

Predestined

Doorman-Priest said...

Have you ever been to Durham? It's in the North where people deep fry chips and keep whippets. (Or possibly the other way round. I get confused these days.)

Fr Hugh Jass said...

That is a shocking slur on the good people of Durham. Their main activity is keeping carrier pigeons and growing leeks. http://www.communigate.co.uk/ne/crosskeysleekclubgainford/
This takes up so much time for the men of the Diocese that no one has ever read a book by - or even heard of - NT Wright.

Automatic Pilot said...

I'm sure your application will be a real stasnd out!

Anonymous said...

Dr. Troll,
At first glance, the seal of the Diocese of Durham might be a skull and cross bones. Aye, my eyesight is none too good.

I would like to proffer this quote from the distinguished biblical scholar, J.B. Phillips: The Young Church in Action – Translator’s Preface (1955). It should make all evangelical glad to hear these words.

"I would warmly commend to every modern evangelist a study of the actual Message proclaimed by the young Church. The call of the Good News was not the emphasis on man’s sinfulness, but that the Man Jesus Whom many of them had known personally was no less than God’s Chosen One. Through this Man Jesus God had made Himself personally known; the proof that the Man Jesus was Christ was the Resurrection, a shining fact to which many of them were eyewitnesses; the Good News was that if men would turn from their former ways and accept the forgiveness of God through Christ, then the Spirit of God was living and available to enter their hearts and transform them. Those who so accepted the fact that God had become Man in Christ were “followers of the Way,” and since they now shared fellowship."

Fr. Maxwell Smart+

Ms Dea Vine said...

Are the same attributes required for the role of bishop of Durham, as for bishops who are part of the
Southern Cone?
Is Durham a living nightmare for GLBT people like it is in Paraguy?
Perhaps the Sydney diocese could send over their sexual conversion expert to cure this lesbian.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused! Is Sydney part of the Southern Cone? Now that Peter Jensen has declared that the Anglican crisis is over...does that mean those who did not join the bigots are free to ordain their GLBT people? And if Sydney hasn't joined the Southern Cone then why not and why is he the secretary of an organisation that his diocese is not a member?
Is it once again about causing trouble to divide and rule.

Ms A Solemnis said...

Be nice, wouldn't it, and save money, to combine the jobs of Bishop of Durham and Chancellor of its University, by letting Bill Oddie do both jobs.

Anonymous said...

Albert Molher seems to be a Baptist who is more interested in the workings of the Anglican church than his own! He obviously needs its alliance to propagate his homophobia in the name of Jesus. Makes him feel like he's not the only bigot!

Anonymous said...

I heard that Texas wants to rewrite American history!

Anonymous said...

There is a priest in Australia fighting for the basic human rights of a sheikh. The sheikh has not been given citizenship because he is deemed a threat to national security. Because he is not a citizen he has no right to find out why he is a security threat. Apparently he has been in the country for 16 years and is about to be deported, while the rest of his family remain in Australia. An interesting story seeing it involves a progressive Anglican priest in Sydney of all places!!!!

Fr Hugh Jass said...

One of the problems of being a Twin is that often one brother tries to look unlike his identical sibling. Take these French twins who have undergone too much plastic surgery.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1279525/Igor--Grichka-Bogdanoff-French-twins-unrecognisable-plastic-surgery.html
Does anyone know of two other ugly twins who could do with a facelift?

Lapinbizarre said...

"Former French TV heart-throbs"?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I'm not sure about lifting faces Father, but I am aware of some old twins with a deeply repressed interest in lifting luggage.

Anonymous said...

Sydney Sex Scandal!

Fr Hugh Jass said...

I see nothing scandalous about a married man from Sydney visiting a gay sauna for a "Lunchtime Special". He is what is known as "post-gay", a condition in which men seek out gay luggage-carriers to help with their packages. They even exist in the Church of England and, as Dr Troll wisely points out, have a deeply-repressed obsession with suit-cases. Mr Jensen's congregations are also full of such men who carry heavy baggage.

Anonymous said...

David Campbell, who is involved in the Sydney gay sex scandal, looks like he would be a regular at Anglican Church League meetings. In appearance... Peter Bolt could be his brother! Both tough no nonsence talkers who wear mos!
"Police are establishing technology which will allow the public to provide such footage to them via the Web," Campbell said in his statement as Police Minister. Talk about your words coming back to bite you on the
bum!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the poor, confused man was merely seeking a prostate massage.

Ms A Solemnis said...

Tall order with such a Hugh Jass, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

AND David Campbell's wife's name is Edna!!!! AND he's been married to her for 33 years!!! He has a similar profile to some senior Sydney clergy!
There will have to be a whole new Sydney brainwashing focus because it is evident that women's submission doesn't necessarily curb same-sex attraction in some spouses!
Nelly the Elephant

Anonymous said...

David Campbell should have attended one of these Passion for Life talks!

Anonymous said...

Or this talk.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if post-gay advocate and Sydney Anglican post-gay representative, Haydn Sennitt might see himself in this position some day?

Anonymous said...

Like this man.

smithj1@unisa.ac.za said...

You are an irreverent bunch posing as true Christians and you will all undoubtedly burn in hell.

See you there.

Jane