Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Do you think I might have upset somebody?

I love it when My Admirers tell me how much they have been blessed by My Ministry. Knowing how much all of you are also blessed by hearing my praises sung, I have generously felt called to share the following comment, which was a just a few minutes ago left in response to my important recent homily on Viagraville.

Obviously the author feels too humbled by the honor of addressing a Christian Leader of my Fame, Wisdom, Spiritual Maturity, and Modesty to do so any way other than anonymously, but to show how touched I am by their innocent childlike awe I am leaving their syntax, spacing and capitalization unaltered. Although in order to save those of you basking in the light of My Biblical Teaching at your place of work or education from being instantly dismissed and/or forever blocked by godless internet filters I have thoughtfully replaced a few letters with asterisks.


go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself go f*** yourself and you’re a***ole church
and your idiot "faithful"

I'm Father Christian, and I bring out the best in my fellow Bible-believing Conservatives.

25 comments:

Fred Schwartz said...

I am in awe! Clearly you are loved by everyone you touch! (oops)

Raspberry Rabbit said...

I'm in awe too. Those things are usually said to me at vestry meetings. So it's worse because the person saying them frequently has a red face and bits of spit come out when they're talking very loudly or muttering these things between gritted teeth.

Come to think it it, such things are sometimes painted on the exterior wall of the rectory in red paint too but I suspect that the originators may well be brethren of a less than catholic inclination so I've told the bishop that he shouldn't be worried if I'm not. To prove my point I held out my hand to show that it was hardly shaking at all.

The bishop says that he and the Dean are working on a solution and that I will shortly hear about it via registered post. I am heartened to be part of a denomination which is careful about the integrity of it's communications.

MadPriest said...

You are so wonderful and beyond mere humanity, Father, that I actually believe you would be capable of achieving what your new fan suggests.

Calamity Jane said...

Father, the devil made me do it!

Nij said...

Gee, I'll bet that new fan of yours used every bit of his/her vocabulary to write such a fan letter! You really do bring out the best in folks, Fr. C, part of your ministry, no doubt! :>)

Nij

Grandmère Mimi said...

What a masterpiece of eloquence! I'm having difficulty filling in a few of the missing letters, but let me think a bit more, and I may work it out all on my own.

Fred, you are bad.

Lapinbizarre said...

Truly humbling to be called on the carpet by someone with such mastery of the use of the apostrophe.

Paul Powers said...

Mimi: I think the anonymous correspondent is exhorting the good father to go feed himself.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Oh! Thanks, Paul Powers.

Peter said...

That was very sweet of your admirer! Obviously they need some lessons in the finer points of Christian morality (I always turn to the Oulds when in doubt – esp. P.O. who has a particular expertise and knowledge when it comes to how we should f*** - indeed, I believe there are those in the land of Mordor who are now, as I type, seeking for a worldwide copyright on the process of f***ing – no doubt there will then be endless litigation between those f**kers who don’t f*** as they should and those f**kers who know how to f*** and will f*** the f**kers who don’t f*** as they f******g should...)... I digress...

It would be most sinful to f*** yourself. All that Prostate Pleasure is something P.O. is particularly knowledgeable about. Our effing friend needs to learn that piece of Christian doctrine. But the f**ker’s heart seemed to be in the right place...

P.

Stan Firm said...

Possible that f**cking yourself, handled correctly, might enhance prostate pleasure. Has PO dropped any hints or suggestions?

MadPriest said...

Now I'm confused. I thought I had worked it out but now Stan Firm has put two asterisks between the f and the c and I'm completely lost.

Stan Firm said...

Difficult to believe I could engender sexual confusion in MP.

MarkBrunson said...

Oh, in the spirit of the Lord's admonition not to hide one's light under a bushel of f***ks, I believe I can tell you your admirer's taken name. I am glad to see that he has shed the adoration he has so long showered on me, upon you.

MadPriest said...

What?!!!
Three asterisks between f and k now.
What is going on here?
I am really confused.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

No need for confusion, Father MadPriest - it's depends upon one's stamina. In my own case anything less than eight asterisks is both disrespectful and patently untrue, and most reputable Biblical scholars agree the appropriate minimum is twelve.

MadPriest said...

Thank you, Father. Thank you very f************king much.

J. Michael Povey said...

I recently received an e-mail which described mew as a stupid f-cking preacher.

I admitted to being stupid from time to time.

I owned up to being a preacher

But I just cannot accept the f-cking bit. It's probably because of my age

Lapinbizarre said...

A f-cking preacher is one who performs as he preaches?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

In contrast with f***ing preachers, whose fecundity should be reflected in a multiplication of their congregation's size, the f---ing ones specialty is generally subtraction. And the f÷÷÷ing ones were the first to join ACNA.

Stan Firm said...

I recall the odd f****cking one who jumped to ACNA just ahead of TEC disciplinary proceedings that would have ended his career anyway.

Lapinbizarre said...

Fr Troll, you may enjoy the exchange of repartee between Bishop Paul Marshall of Bethlem PA , posting as "antistes", and the illustrious "Professor" Christopher Seitz, #9 through #12 on this thread.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Thank you for that Lapin - it seems little Canon Harmon's thought police have already removed the best of the Bishop's comments, but there still remains more than enough to offer a profound insight into +Marshall.

Not only does he clearly believe that integrity and professional insight and qualifications have a role to play when engaging in online discussion - particularly when these concern matters involving great pain - but a quote slipping through via a subsequent commenter says it all “I mistakenly thought this was a blog for people with some intelligence AND observing ego.”

C'mon, Your Grace - you were posting at Nahum 3:6. Of course you can't be as Biblically Literate as me, but surely you've heard that bit about not casting one's pearls before swine?

Stan Firm said...

Dottoressa Professoressa Seitz certainly got her panties in a wad.

Grandmère Mimi said...

La Divina Serafina is flying high on the thread. She jumps in rather quickly to quote the miscreants whose comments the elves subsequently delete, so we get to see some of them anyway.

WV: logic. I'm not kidding.