ACNA Exegesis.

If there’s one thing that really cheers an Old Doctrinal Warrior’s heart in the aftermath of the Great Anglican Schism it’s a good “we wuz robbed” gripe. Mind you, My Beloved Sinners, these are rarer than you might think, since the only laments that really press the bossanova button on my organ are those written by former clergy. The cries of laity now alienated from parishes in which they and their families may have worshipped for generations are too often tinged with sadness to make them truly enjoyable, especially since more often than not they’ve only been caught up in this whole mess as a result of obediently following their parish Priest. Indeed, until he got stinging nettles in his surplice about God’s love for homosexualists they quite probably didn’t even know there was a Bishop of New Hampshire, much less care about any predilection His Grace may have towards musicals featuring Barbra Streisand.

On the other hand, the sounds of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from those who, having stirred up their congregations to quit the Anglican Communion, are now finding that this also means leaving behind all the property belonging to the wicked, godless, apostate institution they quite happily vowed to serve at the time of their ordination a few years previously are another thing altogether. The most prolific practitioner of this esoterically pleasurable literary form, the delightful little Matt Kennedy, will of course be quite familiar to all Faithful Sinners, but it gives me enourmous pleasure to introduce a new star in the disgruntled Firmament of Orthodoxy – Layman David Wilson of freshly invented ACNA parish of Christ the Redeemer in Canonsburg PA.

Indeed; I can’t recommend his masterpiece of the genre, which can be found here, highly enough. While succinct, it still manages to convey a deep sense of disgruntlement at the consequences of actions undertaken entirely at the behest of the author, who in turn manages to deny all responsibility for how things have worked out. While shrouding the entire mess in a deep cloud of dishonesty - everything I’ve always insisted the Anglican Realignment is about!

Although I must note that it appears to contain just one teensy typo: the second paragraph opens with

“The Episcopal Diocese sued for our shirt. We hereby give you our coat. Matthew 5:40.”

That should actually read “The Episcopal Diocese sued for their shirt”. And while we’re at it, the sentence ought probably also be amended to read: “In deep apprehension of the consequences should we do otherwise, we hereby also give you your coat as ordered by the Allegheny Court of Common Pleas in accordance with the United States Constitution.”

I’d also recommend ditching the Matthew 5:40 reference. Like any true Conservative, it’s been a long time since I bothered myself too much with anything in the Gospels, but last time I looked it didn’t seem that Jesus was discussing the return of property to those from whom you’d swiped it. Nor do I recall Him mentioning anything about the owner first needing to sue before Our Lord’s followers should feel any scruples about returning their ill gotten apparel…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.