Sunday, June 10, 2012

ACNA Exegesis.

If there’s one thing that really cheers an Old Doctrinal Warrior’s heart in the aftermath of the Great Anglican Schism it’s a good “we wuz robbed” gripe. Mind you, My Beloved Sinners, these are rarer than you might think, since the only laments that really press the bossanova button on my organ are those written by former clergy. The cries of laity now alienated from parishes in which they and their families may have worshipped for generations are too often tinged with sadness to make them truly enjoyable, especially since more often than not they’ve only been caught up in this whole mess as a result of obediently following their parish Priest. Indeed, until he got stinging nettles in his surplice about God’s love for homosexualists they quite probably didn’t even know there was a Bishop of New Hampshire, much less care about any predilection His Grace may have towards musicals featuring Barbra Streisand.

On the other hand, the sounds of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from those who, having stirred up their congregations to quit the Anglican Communion, are now finding that this also means leaving behind all the property belonging to the wicked, godless, apostate institution they quite happily vowed to serve at the time of their ordination a few years previously are another thing altogether. The most prolific practitioner of this esoterically pleasurable literary form, the delightful little Matt Kennedy, will of course be quite familiar to all Faithful Sinners, but it gives me enourmous pleasure to introduce a new star in the disgruntled Firmament of Orthodoxy – Layman David Wilson of freshly invented ACNA parish of Christ the Redeemer in Canonsburg PA.

Indeed; I can’t recommend his masterpiece of the genre, which can be found here, highly enough. While succinct, it still manages to convey a deep sense of disgruntlement at the consequences of actions undertaken entirely at the behest of the author, who in turn manages to deny all responsibility for how things have worked out. While shrouding the entire mess in a deep cloud of dishonesty - everything I’ve always insisted the Anglican Realignment is about!

Although I must note that it appears to contain just one teensy typo: the second paragraph opens with
“The Episcopal Diocese sued for our shirt. We hereby give you our coat. Matthew 5:40.”
That should actually read “The Episcopal Diocese sued for their shirt”. And while we’re at it, the sentence ought probably also be amended to read: “In deep apprehension of the consequences should we do otherwise, we hereby also give you your coat as ordered by the Allegheny Court of Common Pleas in accordance with the United States Constitution.”

I’d also recommend ditching the Matthew 5:40 reference. Like any true Conservative, it’s been a long time since I bothered myself too much with anything in the Gospels, but last time I looked it didn’t seem that Jesus was discussing the return of property to those from whom you’d swiped it. Nor do I recall Him mentioning anything about the owner first needing to sue before Our Lord’s followers should feel any scruples about returning their ill gotten apparel…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Leonardo Ricardo said...

Well heck, I understand completely...reality just takes a little adjusting to (maybe later).

Rick OShea said...

David Wilson is big enough to give Kevin Kallsen, George Conger and A S Haley a run for their money. Guess he'll be an Anglican Unscripted regular before long. What is it with these guys and over-eating?

Anonymous said...

David's a chunky monkey, isn't he?
Didn't think they could pack that much ham into vestments.
But you're both shrinking away faster than a pizza in front of Michael Moore, but I guess fighting over the best tables in the First Class Dining Room on the "Titanic" must mean something to both of you or you both wouldn't keep spending millions on lawyers and bitching about it to people who are increasingly irritated by your antics.

Anonymous said...

Over-eating in the US is a sign that one is middle/lower middle class/working poor or of that origin.
Michael Moore refuses to lose weight as a gesture of solidarity with his Flint, Michigan origins, even though his houses could provide living space for a typical small Bengali village.
Definitely non-U.

Unemployed Deacon said...

I notice Mr Wilson has a dog named Sherman (after the tank). Perhaps the fat hound will join his obese master on Anglican Unscripted if the screen is big enough.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I dare say those in our midst who are of a Freudian/neoFreudian persuasion have their own theories as to why so many on the phallic end of the thrust against homosexualism are so fond of cramming things in their mouths. I believe it might have been little David Schooled who once tried explaining things to me using that old canary about it "taking a lot of weight to drive a big nail" - whoever it was you can all rest assured it wasn't one of the Ould twins.

My personal belief is that it shows consistency, proving that just as my lesser Conservative imitators aren't influenced by contemporary research into identity, gender, and sexuality, they're also taking a bold stand against the liberal atheist conspiracies concerning cholesterol, arterial plaque, diabetes, and self-induced cardiac conditions - a struggle I've no doubt they're more than committed to fight to the grave.

Anonymous said...

Rev . Troll -

Just what are these folks doing keeping their personal property at the church? Or do they mean the personal property versus real property? And, by the way, if the building and property NEVER belonged to them not only is there no property they should take but they should reimburse the real owners for all the offertory funds collected from the time the split/theft occured. And, should they not reimburse the real Episcopal parish for the "rent" they owe them from the split to the return of the property. And should the "Orthodox" folks reimburse the real owners of the property for all the repairs and maintenance that will now need to be done?
I am neither kind nor charitable when it comes to mean spirited people stealing the property of peaceful, loving christians. Hey, but I just live in the cheap seats.

Fred is Back

Anonymous said...

Does this mean your church in England will be paying the pope back for taking "his stuff" during Henry VIII's time? Because you did make off with rather a lot-or does it only count as theft if you can't behead or burn the other party to the dispute?
BTW, how much money have you and they wasted on this? It must be in the millions-but still, think of the "Prophetic Ministry" and "bold example" you're setting for those outside the churches-and nothing says "I really believe I have to be generous" than two groups of adolescent toddlers fighting over who gets to keep the sandbox without letting the other kid play!
Good thing all that incense provides a plausibility structure that hides the sour smell of irrelevance and self-absorption.

Lapinbizarre said...

I'm far from the first to make the observation, but what a pathetically empty life you must lead, Brad.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Indeed, little Brad Evans my son: while it's wonderful your "Turnip Ghost" persona gives you the confidence to do more than just cut-and-paste, it's regrettable this originality of expression has not translated into anything transcending your customary litany of delusion and obsession. Only you, for example, could sees Henry VIII's collective nationalization of entire religious monopoly as akin to a minority of power-hungry homophobes attempting to steal property they had sworn to hold in trust.

What's more, your descent into hypocrisy is most disappointing: it's hardly becoming for you to defend theft when we all know how upset you'd be if Matron stood by and did nothing while someone stole your tapioca at dinner time. And let's not even mention how you became the time Brucellosis Bob, your fellow inmate, took the copy of "The Boy's Own Book of Vestments" which we sent you for Christmas sometime in the early nineties...

Jim said...

Hi Brad,

If we were claiming property in England, we are not, or part of the Church of England, we are not, you might have a tiny part of a point. We will shortly reject, I pray, the Covenant, making the point again, TEC is not CoE.

member:No Anglican Covenant Coalition

Anonymous said...

Then I'm sure all your worries are over and you can get back to your lawsuits with a clear conscience! So very important to know whose deckchairs those are on the "Titanic"!
Still, it's interesting to watch men in dresses get all aflutter over the prospect of having to marry two men who are less ashamed of having the same sexual attractions as the man who claims to have problems with being gay. Nothing like a sense of priorities as markets break up and economies shrink to keep people coming through the doors.

Peter said...

I wonder if the folks who claim the church belongs to the local congregation would expect to join their local Odd Fellows Hall and be able to vote to change it to an Elks club?
The Diocese of San Joaquin cases are finally being set for trial. The following is rom Chancellor Michael Glass:
Since I last had an opportunity to address the Diocese last fall on the litigation seeking the recovery of the Diocese's assets, there have been a number of procedural developments. The most significant development is the setting of trial dates by the respective Courts, which has not been an easy task given the number of motions made by the defendants and the budget crisis facing the judiciary branch in California. These trial dates are set forth below.

1. St. Paul's (Bakersfield), St. Michael's (Ridgecrest), Redeemer (Delano) - pending Kern County Superior Court:
First Bifurcated Trial Date - August 20, 2012 [Corporate Control Issues]
Second Bifurcated Trial Date - TBD [Property Issues]

2. DSJ v. Schofield -- which includes all properties originally held by theCorp Sole (unincorporated parishes, missions, the Cathedral and ECCO) pending in Fresno County Superior Court. Trial Date - March 25, 2013.

3. St. John's (Porterville) -- Tulare County Superior Court. Trial Date -- Trial Date - May 6, 2013.

4. St. Francis (Turlock) -Stanislaus County Superior Court. Trial Date - June 18, 2013

5. St. Paul's (Visalia) - Tulare County Superior Court. Trial Date - July 29, 2013.

6. St. James (Sonora) - Tuolumne County Superior Court. Trial Date - August 19, 2013.

7. St. Columba (Fresno) - Fresno County Superior Court. Trial Date - September 23, 2013.

8. St. John's (Stockton) - San Joaquin Superior Court. Trial date not yet set- Appeal is pending on a trial court ruling on a pre-trial motion.

I will continue with further updates, but if you have any questions or concerns in the meantime, please contact me at or

Chancellor Michael Glass

dr.primrose said...

"That should actually read 'The Episcopal Diocese sued for their shirt'."

Well, to be a grammatical stickler, it should actually read, "The Episcopal Diocese sue for its shirt."

Anonymous said...

You need to celebrate your diversity!

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Brad my son - I've warned you before about leaving cut-and-paste comments. Now that Rhode Island has a homeless bill of rights I'm thinking very seriously about stopping payment on the fees for your institution and letting you fend for yourself... don't tempt me, my boy.

Anonymous said...

Rhode Island may have a Homeless Bill of Rights but there's no Episcopal Cathedral because they Anglo-Saxon-Anglo-Catholics in Barrington and East Greenwich refuse to come up with a few fathoms more wampum to keep it open for the Liberians who made up most of the Cathedral's worshippers-some "Celebrate our Divesity!"
These twits don't even do paternalism any more. Le Sigh!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Someone called David Ould has sicked his lawyers onto Dobby, and Dobby has fled. Long live Dobby!