If one thing about being the unquestionable leader of the GAFCON movement is hardest of all, it’s this: not letting women teach in accordance with our notoriously spurious exegesis of 1 Timothy 2:12.
Now I can’t deny that some leading scions of schism are able to spend their entire lives without letting a woman teach them anything: just look at little Layman John-David Schofield (although the stories I’ve heard about young men teaching him things could fill a book – one it’s a pity he’ll never have the courage to write), but the truth is that over the years I’ve learnt just as much from women as I have from men.
I know this a strange occurrence, particularly given women only comprise more than half of the earth’s population, but I didn’t rise to where I am today by telling lies except when speaking under oath, or addressing gatherings of gullible clergy. Consequently I have no qualms about telling you, my dearly beloved sinners, that a faithful reader of inordinate intelligence, who also happens to be of the female gender, recently alerted me to a most intriguing development, for which I am profoundly grateful:
The Roman Catholics have recommenced the practice of issuing indulgences..
While there’s no denying Roman Catholics preach a perverted false Gospel, and as a result will spend all eternity in the agonizing fires of hell, I’ve always found them extremely likeable. God might hate Father McCracken from St.Catamite’s, our local Roman franchise, but in my book he’s a charming fellow who’s shared many a fine evening here at the Rectory. After all, it’s not his fault his church broke away from ours a few centuries ago under Henry VIII. Nor can anyone really blame them for having pinched all that flamboyant liturgical stuff Newman and his Oxford pals dreamed up, with no women around the altar they’ve got to do something to a bit of glamour to the show.
That’s why I’m delighted to see them going back to one of the greatest innovations since Simon Magus gave someone the idea of inventing televangelism almost 2,000 years before the TV came along. After all, since money can make Episcopalian Anglo-Catholics take a little puritan like Peter Jensen seriously, why can’t it also influence God into releasing evil-doers from purgatory a few millennia before their bell rings? My only question is this: can it work both ways? If we siphon off a few grand from parish expenses and donate it the appropriate agency could we please have a few centuries added to Martyn Minns’ time of suffering? And how much would it cost to have Rick Warren tortured where the sun don’t shine for a few weeks? If we all chip in I'm sure we could afford it: heaven knows we'd probably get a discount rate in his instance.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible