Monday, February 22, 2010

The Legion Facets of Archbishop Peter Akinola

When it comes to matters concerning evil personified few clergy have the first-hand knowledge of Not-quite-as-big-as-he-used-to-be Peter Akinola. Consequently Beloved Sinners should pay close attention to his recent pronouncement that the motivation behind Episcopalians wanting to prevent property they’ve owned for centuries being stolen by members of a traditional Anglican Church founded last June is “demonic”.

That’s because the person speaking began his career against the background of one of the bloodiest civil wars in history, which featured a Northern army murderously crushing those Southern States impudent enough to think that they had the right to secede on the grounds of irreconcilable cultural and economic differences (No – he’s not that old – I’m referring to the Biafran War - although the similarities do always leave one wondering at the miraculous way Nigerian Archbishops have managed to acquire such prestige in Virginia). During this time the young Akinola courageously declined an offer to fight alongside his own Yoruba people (who sided predominantly with the North), instead preferring to develop a prosperous business selling furniture and patent medicines.

After the war Nigeria came under the rule of a succession of charming military figures now famous for their commitment to justice and the rule of law, along with a commendable willingness to sell anyone and/or anything to the highest bidder. Realizing these incorruptible gentlemen, whose ethnicity was primarily the traditionally Muslim Kanuri, would fail to appreciate the important contribution a patriotically carpet-bagging Christian Yoruba made to their glorious victory, Peter correctly understood his future would be brighter in the bureaucracy that is the Church of Nigeria than it would in government service. Or at least that in the Church there wouldn’t be any pushy Mohammedans-with-Machetes ready to remove the hand of any Christian kid sticking their hand in the till.

Even so, Peter wasn’t going to let God think He could send him to serve just anywhere. Rather than attend a Seminary in the Christian south-west, such as in Lagos, for example, the future Archbishop headed north, closer to his nation’s center of power. Where the rest of his meteoric rise to power is history – albeit largely unwritten and thoroughly white-washed. Making the Nigerian capital virtually his own in the course of what his own web site humbly describes as “two missionary journeys” he now proudly boasts of diocesan “investments in the hospitality industry and in the Nigerian money market” – if expertise in those two particular fields of Nigerian enterprise don’t bring with them an extensive understanding of the demonic realm what does?

After all, without a working relationship with the forces of darkness even a Conservative Christian couldn’t have found it easy to stay silent when Ken Saro-Wiwa was judicially murdered. Which probably goes a long way to explaining why Pete Akinola always refers to himself with plural pronouns. And why the staff of his “investments in the hospitality industry” would never dare be heard calling him “ Legion”.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

22 comments :

Revd Ivan Ackeroff said...

I have always thought of His Grace Big Pete as having something in common with Our Blessed Lord. Both were Carpenters. Sadly, there the resemblance ends.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Ah, now I´ve got it! By Jorge I´ve got it! Big +Petie is going to open a chain of Gay Bars in retirement because everyone will be so relieved the PURGE is over when his flapping mouth and fortune teller garb gets sent to the cleaners, it´ll be like the roaring twenties! Yup, it´s going to be a wide-open world of fun-filled Nigerian possibilities when the old quack waddles off to lay more gold-plated eggs and play ¨hatch goes the weasel¨ (certainly will beat the massacres that he instigates).

Anonymous said...

One need not go off-shore for "Peters". Here's a little gem from the Springfield, Illinois State Journal-Register on the recently retired bishop of the Diocese of Springfield (IL) - and the turmoil left in his wake:

http://www.sj-r.com/top-stories/x723437514/Replacing-Springfield-Episcopal-bishop-could-be-contentious-process

This will probably be a bitter fight between "orthodites" wanting to retain power, and resurgent local moderates sick and tired of having a "bull's" eye painted on their backs. You're right on one thing (and only one) Mr. Virtue, this *will* be ugly.

... from one with a ring side seat ....

Anonymous said...

How odd. I distinctly recall that, at the time, the CANA initiative was to serve underserved Nigerians living in the US and that is why it was welcomed and even assisted, I believe financially, by elements of ECUSA. From Nigerian website, the mission seems entirely different. Certainly I am misreading?

Anonymous said...

Fr. Ivan has gone missing again. I fear that the forces of prostatianism are after him again.

Revd Ivan Ackeroff said...

How very true!

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine what form the celebration at Anglican Mainstream is taking.

Imagine and tremble.

Lapinbizarre said...

I was concerned that "The Ould, Ould story" was being sung, Father A.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

The sooner the Ould twins discover their true vocation of training Killer Whales the better.

Anonymous said...

I bet Prostate Pete is getting a very special massage tonight!

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Indeed: I dare say he'll even be live-blogging the event to Dobby.

Anonymous said...

Peter Ould must have taken offence at his chin being mistaken for the top of his head. An honest mistake. Surely he must realise that people sometimes get confused about things in this world. He's fully aware that same-sex attraction is really the basis of a heterosexual marriage, although it may be confusing and offensive to some. I thought he would have appreciated the inverted picture of himself because it's reflective of his logic! I thought the upside down photo was very flattering.
From Right Side Up in a topsy turvy world.

Anonymous said...

If that's the case he's being awfully sensitive - his brother's friends frequently mistake beards like that for maps of Tasmania.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of maps of Tasmania...Are those at Anglican Maintream doing a porn section on offensive beards?

Anonymous said...

You people are just full of Christ-like attitude aren't you?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Well said, Anonymous. In fact I think our attitude towards the Oulds and their ilk is exactly like Jesus' in Matthew 3:7.

Or are you suggesting we follow Christ in more literal manner, and simply whip them until they've repented of shame they've brought upon the church?

Anonymous said...

Matthew 3 7 is John the baptist, not Jesus. But don't let facts get in the way of a god insult

Lapinbizarre said...

These latest snarks by any chance coming from the same internet address as comments identified by other blog-owners as likely proceeding from the PC of one Australian-based fundigelical of Middle-European origin? Orthodox Anglican or, as they say Down-Under, Bush Baptist

Anonymous said...

So what has happened to Unthinking Anglicans? Anybody care to explain?

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Revd Ivan, we await you in whatever form you may take...resurrections are our specialty.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I suspect you meant to say "good insult" my Anonymous friend based in Britain - not "god". Take a seat and Dr. Freud will see you soon. Do you often confuse criticisms of the pharisees with criticism of God?

Still, you're quite right about the speaker being John the Baptist. Which means Jesus wouldn't have agreed with Matt 3:7 at all, and the writer of the Gospel only included it to show the sinfulness of J the B's vitriol.

No doubt you'll agree we get a much better understanding of Jesus' attitude to fine upstanding self-righteous preachers of exclusion by reading Matt 23:13-14.

And I'm sure you'll agree Our Lord's words about how blessed those who journey over land & sea in an effort to create converts like themselves are particularly relevant to ministries like this one.

Anonymous said...

I'm amazed at the lengths these right wing religious extremists will go to, when promoting their lies. Censorship is their means of protection. Peter Ould can speak out for gay conversion therapy and cause pain for many, when it does not work, yet those who criticise him as being fraudulant are censored. That is why people are turning away from the institutionalised church. And why the Anglican Church would want to model itself off the US Baptists is beyond me, as their growth is negative. It has to be about the power and money of some of the high profile church leaders. As far as I am concerned, people like Peter Ould contribute to the violence perpetrated against GLBT people and their deaths.

"The Ugandan Anglican Church was instrumental in pushing for more draconian anti-gay laws but has since moderated its support in the face of international criticism.

The campaign supporting the law has since been taken up by Evangelical Christians headed by Baptist minister Martin Ssempa.
Ssempa called for a “million man march” against homosexuality through the capital, Kampala, this month but police ordered him not to proceed. Instead he and a few thousand supporters rallied in Jinja, Uganda’s second-largest city.

On returning to Kampala, Ssempa presented a slideshow of gay pornography to 300 people for the stated purpose of demonstrating why homosexuality was wrong.

Under the bill, exhibiting the same material for the purpose of “promoting homosexuality” would attract a jail sentence of a minimum of five years.

In other news, an online petition campaign against the bill by the Avaaz group has gathered over 400,000 signatures." The petition can be found at www.avaaz.org/en/uganda_rights/?vl
http://www.starobserver.com.au/news/2010/02/23/opposition-to-uganda-death-bill-grows/22043#comments

Sydney Anglicans are promoting Gay Conversion Therapy as seen on their website...

1. Christianity, homosexuality and gay conversion was the subject of a segment on the ABC TV show, The Hungry Beast. Haydn Sennitt, who blogs for sydneyanglicans.net made the courageous, and risky, decision to speak out. He was interviewed (along with two others who took the opposite view) and was given a reasonably fair hearing. He is certainly to be congratulated on his willingness to stand up for his Lord and we should pray God will use his testimony. The ABC gave a list of sites, but all were in favour of homosexual sex. If you are struggling with this issue, or know someone who is, I would recommend this site (Liberty Christian Ministries Inc). By the way, the inside story is on Haydn’s personal blog
http://www.sydneyanglicans.net/news/newsreview/sydney_anglicans_push_hot_buttons/