“In the beginning was the Word…

... and the Word was... ” despite you all being dreadful Beloved Sinners, I’ve no doubt that even you have an idea of what comes next. That’s right – the Gospel continues by explaining that the Word was 66 books dictated by God on various occasions between 4004 B.C. and 33-and-a-bit A.D. Although naturally as Anglicans we prefer to not get too worked up about a literal seven day creation in 4004 B.C., but that’s just because unlike Baptists we’re more likely to send our offspring to college. Where these days it’s a little hard to pass medicine if you honestly believe men and women have differing numbers of ribs. And geologists who think dinosaurs and people once co-existed tend not to win cadetships with petroleum companies. Or ever find oil.

All of which is why we prefer to fixate upon homosexualists, and women who refuse to accept that the fact of all twelve disciples having been men means they can’t run Churches (or, worse still, who insist on asking why the same logic doesn’t also mean the only people who can become Priests are middle-eastern Jews). But I digress; that the Word to which St. John referred comprises the Bible we know and worship is a fact so obvious it took a mere 3½ centuries (more or less) for the Church to agree upon exactly which books and epistles died upon the cross. Not to mention the way St. Paul makes it perfectly obvious His letters are synonymous with the one He met on the road to Damascus.

Yet as the world’s foremost Doctrinal Warrior, I’ve long noticed my fellow-but-less-mature Conservatives have an additional word; one which they invariably use around all their favourite blogs for a few months, before replacing it with another turn of phrase. Currently it’s “bile”; although regrettably I’ve only managed to obtain one usage in my recent comments, and that from the same charming product of Mordor’s Moore College who used it on another site while sharing God’s love with a particularly insolent Beloved Sinner – IP addresses don’t lie, my little anonymous imitator now residing in Britain (Would you like me to start publishing some more personal details about you? Because thanks to your easily traced IP address I can, and if you don’t get it into what can only technically be described as your head that the only person allowed to abuse my Beloved Sinners is me, I will. Ok?).

A few months back it was a tasteful metaphor involving panties being in something called a “wad”, which owed much of it’s popularity to frequent employment by little Greg Griffith (that noted arbiter of all which is decent) at Viagraville. Before that it was “Revisionists”. Which followed “Sodomites”. Next week it’ll be something different again: just don’t place any bets on it being a Word which in any way refers to Jesus.

My fellow Conservatives might not be the sharpest tools in the hardware aisles of God’s Walmart, but they’re not stupid enough to get involved with Him. Besides, Jesus associates with such disreputable people..

I'm Father Christian and I teach the bible.