Ready, Aim, FIRE! - Canon History.

Since there wasn’t much demand for chimney sweeps on the Serengeti wilderness where my parents served as gun runners missionaries, and as responsible Christians they understood the importance of teaching their young son the value of hard work, I was instead at the age of three apprenticed to a local circus, where I quickly became famous as the world’s youngest human cannonball. It was a marvellous introduction to life’s ups and downs, and one I can heartily recommend to any mother or father eager to give their offspring a solid grounding in Conservative Biblical ethics: any collateral forebrain damage which may occur to your little one is more than offset by the subsequent inability to comprehend reality in anything other than a purely binary capacity.

What’s more I have as a result been left with an abiding interest in cannons, and consequently when the more lucid members of the St. Onuphrius’ Ministry Team urged me to share this article on the history of our New Testament canon with My Beloved Sinners I could hardly refuse. Naturally I haven’t read it myself, since I’ve been far too busy finding out who I need to bribe/blackmail with regard to obtaining little Bishop Wright’s position, but those of you not blessed by God with lives as important as mine are sure to benefit from taking a few minutes to study this essay - my apologies to those of you who are evangelicals or who were home-schooled, but there’s no pictures.

As a leading Conservative, of course, my own knowledge of history is exemplary, and I’m committed to ensuring more Sinners learn of St. James’ (brother of Our Lord, who was martyred in Acts 12:2 and later became king of England) inspiring work translating the Bible back into the original English. Indeed, the journey through which the original canon - given to God’s people by St. Paul in a process which two fascinating young visitors on bicycles recently explained to me involved an angel, gold tablets, and a pair of peep stones – passed down through the centuries unchanged is positively thrilling. Despite efforts of Romans like St. Jerome who sought to obscure God’s perspicuous word by rendering it into a Latin edition called the ‘Vulgate’ (with a name like that any real Christian should immediately sense something immoral), St. James ensured Christian booksellers would never be deprived of their most stable item.

Indeed, by entering the field of publishing St. James also inspired Martin Luther, who despite being foreign was so excited he nailed 95 copies of James’ own epistle to the Wittenberg church door, which in turn so upset the Pope that he left England in act of schism. As a result Henry VIII’s marriage failed on account of him getting divorced and chopping his ex-wives heads off (some fellows will do anything to avoid paying alimony), and the Communion we know, love, and are constantly threatening to leave, was born. But I’m too busy to tell you any more: read the story for yourself...

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.