I’ve always said the wicked apostate liberal Archbishop of Canterbury is really a Conservative Biblical Christian. Sadly this is something many of my weaker brethren at places like Viagraville have failed to comprehend, despite my having frequently explained it in words of no more than one syllable, but little Rowan Williams has finally made the truth clear enough for even George Conger to understand. (Alright – maybe not that clear, since His Grace’s revelation wasn’t accompanied by smutty pictures, but my point stands.)
However finally, no doubt in response to my repeated urgings and advice, the Pointiest Hat in the Communion has run his flag up the pole, and not in the sense that happens in Peter Ould’s troublesome dreams either. That’s right: he’s displayed all the true attributes of a Conservative Leader, and when faced with an opportunity to give clear decisive guidance responded with cowardice and dishonesty.
Naturally I’m over the moon (and not in that sense either, Peter) with joy at His Cantaurness finally proving himself every bit as morally consistent as little Martyn Minns, whose faithful application of CANA canons concerning the ministry of confessed criminals serves as a role model for schismatics everywhere. Having said that gay bishops are "no problem" for him per se, our Lord in Lambeth then declined to explain why this absence of problems resulted in Dean John twice being blackballed (Peter! Stop It!!!).
But then, My Dearly Beloved Sinners, Rockin’ Rowan really showed us how to swing Conservative-style - anyone would've thought the man was a Republican facing questions about Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. When asked if he personally wished objections against those called by God to the office of Bishop actually becoming Bishops could be in some way overcome he delivered a timeless response, one showing exactly how bright the future really is for Clergymen of my own calibre and inclinations: “Pass.”
There's only problem, however. As an answer “Pass” generally results in one eventually being declared The Weakest Link.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.