These past few days have seen me inundated with requests for the definitive Conservative response with regard to the forthcoming Primates Meeting. Sure little Layman Anderson has been sharing his $0.02 with anyone really desperate for something to click on, but let's face it, opinionated schismatic bishops aren't exactly an endangered species. Maybe if ACNA could find an outspoken layperson to deliver the predictable rant - or even just a common-or-garden clergyman not currently preoccupied with claiming that pleading guilty doesn't really mean you did it - someone might be interested. Although, as we all know, Bobby Duncan's vision for the Prelacy of All Believers has been so successful that ACNA doesn't really have anyone left capable of stringing together a (reasonably) coherent sentence who isn't already wearing lovely purple vestments which could almost be mistaken for the real thing.
Consequently it once again falls on my righteous shoulders to say something about a forthcoming opportunity for the Communion’s leadership to fly somewhere interesting and politely bicker. Yet the truth is I’m currently far too busy, because by the miraculous Grace of God St. Onuphrius’ has become Ground Zero for the final step in the Blessed John Henry Newman's canonization.
That’s right, after prayerfully meditating upon an icon of the late Cardinal, Bishop Quinine has experienced a miracle so marvellous that the deliverance of some Boston Deacon from a life of spinal agony is simply nothing in comparison. Yet do you think any of the illegitimate rent-boys of Babylon in the Vatican have bothered to respond to any of our emails advising of this astonishing work of wonder? Not at all – I dare say the American Society of Hematology treats Jehovah’s Witnesses with more respect than we’ve received from these apostolic apostates. And it's not as if we've ever disturbed anyone's afternoon nap to leave pamphlets and insist Isaiah refused to let his kids have blood transfusions.
However it’ll take more a few 16th century schismatics in Rome to stop Me and My Ministry team testifying to a miracle. What’s more, given enough time and persistence on our part, I’ve no doubt the Vatican will repent of their lack of faith. Even though you can be certain that if the Pope had to pay what Viagra costs in our neck of the woods he’d be just as excited as Bishop Quinine was to discover the old Tractarian now has a dispensation to intervene in cases of Brewer’s Droop...
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.