HELLO MY BELOVED SINNERS!!!!!
That's right My Faithful Evildoers - I'm Back!!!
Of course those of you who truly are Bible-Believing Christians will know that as a result of a small inconsequential mistake Bishop Quinine and I have spent the past few years in witness protection, but by the grace of all that is precious in holy scripture those days are over!!!
That's right! Naturally the godless liberal media didn't report this (probably on account of them all being terrified of their imminent imprisonment and public execution), but the most important thing discussed yesterday between so-called president obama and President-Elect-For-Life Trump (or as Consuella's former colleagues know him professionally, "Little Donny") was the clearance of all the silly misunderstandings which led to My undergoing a slight detour in the nature of My Ministry.
What's more, thanks to Little Donny stopping government waste and wanton spending I've received a federal grant large enough to keep a TV evangelist in cocaine and lady-boys for centuries - purely for the purpose of upgrading my ministry and internet presence. Naturally my first priority is to blow a large slab of this on upgrading the old St. Onuphrius Rectory (when little Donny and whatever-her-name-is-this-week drop buy you can't really expect them to perform their ablutions in an ensuite that isn't gold-plated, can you?), but as soon as this is sorted there'll be more than a few crumbs coming your way to edify your pathetic godless existences. And believe me, we're all gonna have a party in the process!
I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible!