Thursday, November 10, 2016

Back to Make America Grate Again!

HELLO MY BELOVED SINNERS!!!!!

That's right My Faithful Evildoers - I'm Back!!!

Of course those of you who truly are Bible-Believing Christians will know that as a result of a small inconsequential mistake Bishop Quinine and I have spent the past few years in witness protection, but by the grace of all that is precious in holy scripture those days are over!!!

That's right! Naturally the godless liberal media didn't report this (probably on account of them all being terrified of their imminent imprisonment and public execution), but the most important thing discussed yesterday between so-called president obama and President-Elect-For-Life Trump (or as Consuella's former colleagues know him professionally, "Little Donny") was the clearance of all the silly misunderstandings which led to My undergoing a slight detour in the nature of My Ministry.

What's more, thanks to Little Donny stopping government waste and wanton spending I've received a federal grant large enough to keep a TV evangelist in cocaine and lady-boys for centuries - purely for the purpose of upgrading my ministry and internet presence. Naturally my first priority is to blow a large slab of this on upgrading the old St. Onuphrius Rectory (when little Donny and whatever-her-name-is-this-week drop buy you can't really expect them to perform their ablutions in an ensuite that isn't gold-plated, can you?), but as soon as this is sorted there'll be more than a few crumbs coming your way to edify your pathetic godless existences. And believe me, we're all gonna have a party in the process!

I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible!

6 comments :

Fr Frank Furter said...

Welcome back beloved Father. It is good to know we have your guidance before the commencement of World War III. Does God's Word give any clue how long we have left before the last trump? Will that nice Mr Putin be visiting your rectory before we are all toasted?

HBB1946 said...

Your resurrection has come not a moment too soon!

Leonardo Ricardo said...

I tingle with vertical/floor length GLEE...you have resurrected just in time to save us from what's up and what isn't up political misery! Joy, love (and whatever you may call upon me to do), a su orden beloved leader,

Virgil Hangworthy Windsor Snatch-Run, IV

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you all, My Unworthy Students.

Regarding little Vladdy Putin, we do indeed go way back, and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with him (in a purely Biblical sense) at the bunga-bunga parties Melania has told me she's already planning for her new home at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

I'll be teaching further on my old friendship with Vladdy (do you know I personally led him to Christ?) very soon. And, depending on whether or not you've set your browser to "child friendly" sharing some beautifully artistic photos of our wonderful times together with his Ukrainian research assistants.

Ignatius said...

And I had given up hope. I came today to bury this link, not to read it. Joy breaks in.

Abandon us not again anytime soon Rev Doc Troll. Oh be still my galloping heart.

Point of Order said...

Seeing a dateline in 2016 here is the most certain evidence that prayers are answered. Your ministry is most urgently needed Fr. Troll. Joy has come in the morning!