It’s a well known fact that nobody – not even little Martyn Minns - loves Big Pete Akinola as much as he loves himself, which makes me think that this marvellously sycophant interview with GAFCON’s number one son is actually the best example of multiple personality disorder since that Sally Field’s movie. Either that, or Big Pete’s holding some journalist’s sister as a hostage.
The piece was kindly brought to my attention by a commenter on an earlier post about Nigerian Faithfulness , and doesn’t it show our lad from Lagos eager to keep on the bearded fellow in Canterbury’s good side? And isn’t it reassuring to hear from the horse’s mouth that “In this whole struggle, nothing is built around the person of Akinola” ? Even if he is unable to stop talking about himself at any point of the interview (and on more than one occasion deigns to refer to himself in the third person) – he’s absolutely correct: it’s built around a hatred of people who find themselves loving a person of the same physical gender
What really excites me, however, is the faithfulness with which Big Pete keeps his eyes of the little matter of people in his own country beating the stuffing out of each other in what Liberals continue calling a “bloodbath”, and instead steadfastly focuses on the speck in everyone else’s eye. As he rightly emphasizes, only one in twenty-five British Anglicans regularly attend church, and in the light of an outrage like that how dare anyone nit-pick about civil war, rampant corruption, and wholesale murder! If there’s one thing I’ve always said about GAFCON, it’s that we represent a return to Biblical priorities – albeit the ones found in the Book of Judges, or those advocated by the Pharisees.
At which point I’ll have to leave things for now: Big Pete’s talk about thousands being “so glued to this whole perversion” gave us here at St. Onuphrius a few interesting ideas to research, and Brother Richthofen and his friends from seminary have just returned from the hardware store with a caulking gun and an exciting new vision for parish bonding. What I must say in passing, however, is that I fail to see what all the fuss is about one of Big Pete’s Bishop’s having once been confronted by a lion in the middle of the road. I myself was once eaten by a bear in the middle of a night-club, and must say that – doubtless due to my own superior piety - I found the experience most illuminating.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.