Prayer time folks. Now!

Every Gafconeer knows there are only three circumstances in which it is appropriate to pray in public:

When you want something, particularly of a material nature, such other people’s money, property, or sexual partner.

When you’re trying to toady up to someone you think is important – just Google the words “Stand”, ”Firm” and “Iker” to find lots of useful examples of this sort of prayer.

When someone others think important is trying to steal assets from the lawful owner, particularly if the owner happens to be the Church into which the would-be thief was baptised, confirmed, ordained, and to which they pledged obedience.

That said, I’m now going to completely disregard this guide. A certain Grandmère and her family need our prayers, and we’re going to get behind her in this even if I have to come around and personally drag each one of you to your knees.

I also want to make perfectly clear that the fact both Bisop Quinine and Consuella have lately been warning that if I don’t start showing more empathy I’ll end up as ugly as David Virtue has absolutely nothing to do with this. Nor is it of the slightest concern to me that certain sites less firm than mine have been suggesting those of us in the terrible Gang of Four are just a group of angry malcontents. After all, since they’re wrong about pretty much everything else why bother proving them wrong about us not caring for anyone enough to pray for them? (That’s p-r-a-y little Jack Iker - I know you’ve been coming around here – not p-r-e-y. There is a difference.)

People can say what they like; here at St. Onuphrius’ we’re not afraid of breaking the rules when we need to. It might not be something Jesus did, but since when has what Jesus did ever been a primary GAFCON concern? So get praying now – and that’s an order!

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

PS. While you’re about it don’t forget to also remember young Brian and his fellow Australians.