When it comes to global climate change, I’m a skeptic. Just because the planet’s heating up doesn’t mean it’s warming. Besides, if God had wanted us to reduce our emissions he wouldn’t have made it so affordable to feed one’s Curate a diet of boiled cabbage and onions.
That’s why I’m so delighted to discover the distinguished history behind the name “Manhattan Declaration”. It turns out that prior to its liberation from the blogspot grasp of a few of my less Orthodox imitators it was a statement produced by a conference altruistically funded by tobacco and oil companies. That’s right, my Dearly Beloved Sinners: the people who correctly taught us that smoking can’t possibly harm a person’s health, and to ignore the fact that oversized SUVs kill more people very year than terrorists ever have, are now right behind the movement to convince the world that global warming is a fiction. So we all know there’s absolutely nothing to worry about…
Mind you, if the involvement of such esteemed corporate citizens as Exxon and W.D. & H.O. Wills isn’t enough to convince you then, how about this - the one and only Mr. Chuck Colson shares these noble companies’ disinterested skepticism! That’s right: the late President Nixon’s hatchet man is equally proud to stand up and be counted when it comes to putting profits before creation. Which is fascinating, because he’s also one of the primary movers behind the faux-Manhattan Declaration – the one purporting to use the name of my other blog in an effort to stop folks from knowing that God foolishly loves and accepts everyone irrespective of what sort of naughty bits they might happen to find exciting.
Now there's no denying that I’ve got a lot of respect for little Chuck Colson. Whereas some famous sinners such mistakenly see repentance as involving a turning away from their old lifestyles and values, he showed all that’s necessary is to find a new niche in the market. Were St. Paul blessed with Chuck’s chutzpah he could have converted and kept hanging out with his fellow shakers and movers in the Pharisees. Or if only John Newton had paid a little more attention to Mr. Colson’s extensive literary works he’d never have imprudently abandoned his flourishing career in the slave trade. By grace little Chuck Colson went from being a mouthpiece living off the public purse while promoting a morally bankrupt ideology to a mouthpiece living off donations while promoting a morally bankrupt ideology. What a miracle!
And then there’s his masterstroke: while claiming to minister to prisoners (and actively soliciting for money to fund this apparently laudable aim) he simultaneously and unashamedly supports social strategies which have been proven to exacerbate crime and increase the prison population - thereby increasing the apparent need for his services!!! Honestly the man’s a genius. But that he’s then able to get away with claiming two people who want to commit to each other in marriage represent one of the greatest threats society has ever faced just proves Henry Louis Mencken’s famous aphorism.
I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible.