"Egypt was glad when they left" (Psalm 105:38)

Church attendances were down throughout our glorious Anglican Communion today, and there’s only one reason: people around the world are disgusted to learn things have become so bad that Archbishop Anis, Primate of Egypt, the Middle East and North Africa (along with somewhere else called “The Horn of Africa”, whom I always thought was a remarkably gifted black actor in a video belonging to one of Brother Richthofen’s friends from Seminary) has resigned from the Joint Standing Committee of the Primates Meeting and the Anglican Consultative Council - not because the dreadful writer’s cramp ++Anis would suffer when including the committee’s snappy title in his extensive list of expense claims, but on account of all the cootie-infested apostates with whom his membership obliged him to associate.

With the characteristic understatement for which Viagraville commentators are famous, one “Br_er Rabbit” summed up this tragedy perfectly:

“The Anglican Communion in its present form will not recover from this.”

After all: ask anyone what first that comes to mind when they hear someone say “Egypt” and I’ll guarantee they say “Biblical Christianity”. Thanks to the faithful Parish Wardens who so long ago were responsible for the quaint Rectories we now call “Pyramids”, the Ancient Egyptian Christian Epicenter continues to be warmly remembered long after it’s faithful exponents were lovingly condemned to whatever eternity holds for foreigners. That’s why there is to this day a picture of their handiwork on US currency – to remind sinners everywhere that the primary purpose of money is to buy property for clergy (or in ACNA’s case, to buy the assistance of lawyers in an attempt to steal it).

Indeed; I’ve been reliably informed that in places like Washington disillusionment with the Unrestrained Apostasy has become so great that some churches didn’t even bother opening. Meanwhile offertories at the Binghamton faux-Kenyan Club have clearly fallen so low that Hostillium is now forced to hustle herself for coffee: “take me out to coffee and I will let you see the underbelly of an average week.”.

While there’s breath in this old Doctrinal Warrior’s body Beloved Sinners can rest assured the Church will somehow survive ++Egypt’s tragic desertion. Even more importantly, as long as I’ve got a Starbuck’s Preferred Customer Card Hostillium need never worry about finding an admirer for her underbelly – your Strawberry Chocolate Mocha Frappo-Blando Espress® will be waiting at our usual secluded table in the corner, my enchantress.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.