When it's quantity, not quality, that matters.

As a result of my faithful and untiring research into the internet’s sinfulness I daily receive an enormous number of unsolicited emails. Naturally I’m too busy to pay them the slightest attention (although I must confess to occasionally wondering if anyone ever really attempts to purchase Viagra in response to spam from somewhere in Rumania or Nigeria), but when the following email came from somebody with the refreshingly Orthodox name of “Lilliputian Savage” (David Virtue's new pseudonym perhaps?) I could not help but take notice:


Naturally I have already requested a sample. Depending on the quality Bishop Quinine intends using them for scientific research, or else as the basis for a new line of budget pet food. I, however, intend to baptise them all as parishioners, which will make me the uncontested star of the Anglican church-growth movement. Not only will I be bigger than Rick Warren, but with those numbers there’ll be a good case for declaring St. Onuphrius’ a Province of its own. After all: if ACNA can use logic like that so can I...

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.