“The constitution is toast. A second term guarantees Obama imposes Soviet style rule.”In a postscript to My Previous Important Homily I introduced My Beloved Sinners to a boy whom The New York Times quoted as describing President Obama as “an arrogant Communist.”
Now to be fair to this young fellow, he was attending what he had doubtless expected would be the biggest party since Grover Norquist first learned how to play pup-tent with a pin-up of Ayn Rand, and things had undoubtedly turned a little tired and emotional by the time someone from all the news that’s fit to print arrived for a soundbite. Although one would think a resident of Florida would have before now met someone with a little first hand experience of life under regimes which really do think Marx’s crazy café-table jottings offer an improvement on the political structure of the nation which gave the world electric guitars, Jack Daniels, and the freedom to grow a ZZ Top beard if that’s what you’ve got your heart set on. At which point I’m sure this person would have been more than happy to explain that however much you might dislike the democratically elected President of the U.S.A., describing him as a “communist” is taking things just a tad too far.
Still, as a Romney supporter this boy is by definition also a True Christian, so he quite understandably wouldn’t have wanted engage in dialogue with someone almost certainly a foreigner lest doing so lead him into sin and away from the one who is quite obviously incapable of keeping us from falling. Quite correctly he has chosen to leave the thinking up to Infallible Bible Teachers like Myself, or, in a pinch, little Greg Griffiths when it comes to reality. Which is a Good Thing, because when it comes to identifying Communists we know everything.
In the case of little Greg – who is, I must explain, known around the intertubes by those familiar with his fine and balanced style of histrionics as “Melanie” – this is because he, by his own admission watched a few Soviet movies while he was at college. So there can be no doubting his credentials as an expert on all things to the left of Rush Limbaugh. Whereas my uncannily accurate ability to identify godless Leninist Marxists whenever they might subversively choose to participate in the electoral processes of unabashedly capitalist economies comes from personal missionary experience in these unprincipled realms of concrete and very bad dentistry.
That’s right, My Beloved Sinners: as someone who not infrequently was called by the spirit to sojourn in Berlin during the halcyon days when there were fortunes to be made selling Beatles records, bubble-gum and blue jeans to the poor unfortunates trapped on the eastern side of the wall thoughtfully erected to ensure black-market prices stayed high, I have had no small degree of personal experience with the horrors Soviet dictators are capable of inflicting. And not just in East Germany – during another sequence of visits to Moscow in the time of Brezhnev, when I was bravely pioneering the industry which was to become known today as “Russian Bride Scams” (sadly my bold Trump-like entrepreneurship failed to reap the rewards to which I was entitled on account of the internet not yet having been invented – although I can with modest pride take comfort in having generously paved the way for countless other Orthodox Christian Capitalists now getting around in expensive non-American cars) I quickly became aware of Communism’s terrible consequences. So impressive was the price which could be obtained for a few dog-eared copies of Playboy that it simply broke one’s heart to think of the way Christians at the time took the Times Square grindhouse district for granted.
All of which means that when I say Melanie isn’t exaggerating you can be sure I know what I’m talking about. And that you can be sure everything else the boy says is every bit as well thought aout and based in fact. What began as Obama’s socialist conspiracy to save American auto industry jobs from moving to Japan where they rightfully belong (has anyone ever heard of something so unpatriotic?) has progressed to a shamelessly Marxist determination to lower the nation’s infant mortality rate by ensuring affordable health care for those babies so foolish as to be born to parents unable to pay for the care to which white Christians like the those to whom Melanie’s site is directed are entitled. Mark my words, now that we can expect another four years of Obamacare I wouldn’t be surprised if America’s neo-natal death rate falls to the extent where we are no longer proudly behind such great nations as Cuba, Croatia, and Cyprus when it comes to caring for our littlest ones’ well-being. Although someone really ought to tell the folks at Viagraville that The Fountainhead is not normally considered one of the synoptic gospels.
In closing let me just invite everyone experiencing something of the rage being felt not only by Melanie and his cohorts, but also by bastions of traditional marriage like Donald Trump, and pillars of unbiased reportage like Karl Rove and Fox, to share in a little hymn folks here at St. Onuphrius’ have been singing in the wake of Obama’s tragic re-election. Listen to the words and it just might help explain what happens when minorities start working together in the way that Jesus calls them to..
I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible.