I may be the True Voice of Global Anglican Orthodoxy, but I am also a humble parish Priest deeply interested in the sin of other people’s lives. Just because someone isn’t a member of St. Onuphrius’ doesn’t mean I don’t find their weaknesses profoundly revolting, and even though many of you live far from Ichabod Springs doesn’t mean I have no desire to rebuke each and every one of your weaknesses.
This Pastoral Heart is at the center of all which drives the GAFCON movement. Unless people are taught the Bible correctly there is no way an omnipotent god can be capable of bringing them to repentance, nor of forcing them to change their erroneous ways. That’s why it’s so crucial that Teachers like me reach as many people as possible: god needs us to do what he can’t accomplish.
To help this I’ve introduced a new feature: the colorful “Ask Father Christian” button on the right. Whatever your question, however shameful and disgusting the error into which you have fallen, simply click it and send me an email outlining the dilemma or heresy under which you labor, and the World’s Greatest Bible-teacher himself will correct you. It’s almost as if you were able to shake my hand at the door of St. Onuphrius for yourself on a Sunday morning – but even better since there’s no chance of my being soiled by us touching..
Still, please don’t think you’ll be entitled to the same care as those who actually support the ministry of St. Onuphrius in monetary terms. Given my busy schedule it may take a while to address your issues, and no correspondence will be entered into with anyone unwilling to heed my valuable advice. Think of this as not so much evidence of my caring as proof of my desire to appear to care. Which is still doubtless much more than you’ll ever receive from the mamby-pamby liberals hell-bent on tearing our church in two.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.