Thursday, May 28, 2009

"... and my, what long sharp teeth you have!"

“Beware of the Anglo-Catholics—they’re all sodomites with unpleasant accents.” So says one of Waugh's more facile characters in Brideshead Revisited, but all this talk of the “smells & bells” Forward in Faith crowd getting nervous about handing their future over to a schism run by Anabaptist evangelicals is really getting too much, and as the GAFCON's greatest Doctrinal Warrior I’d personally like to assure all of my dear weaker brethren that they have absolutely nothing to fear from their Biblically mature superiors.

Despite having laughed at Tractarians since Newman first thought he might look dashing in a biretta, Bible Believing Anglicans like myself actually have a lot of time for “spikies” whenever it’s politically or economically prudent to do so, and now that we need all the support we can possibly get it’s wonderfully convenient to consider them on our side. Even if they’re not authentically Christian, it’s still hard to not be impressed by any man who voluntarily risks death by incineration as a result of prancing around candles whilst clad in yards of highly inflammable man-lace.

Certainly, a movement capable of producing Priests as dedicated as Fr. Enraght SSC, or as inspiring as Fr. Lowder SSC, is not to be trusted when it comes to the bare-faced chicanery necessary to create “parallel” provinces. Yet as long as they can remain obsessed with the importance of viewing all women other than Our Lady (whom they’ll never have to encounter other than, perhaps if they’re lucky, as a vague image on a piece of toast or discarded pretzel-wrapper) as inferior beings, and can continue denying their own proud tradition of standing up for the marginalized, poor, and downright effeminate (never remind any of them of Father Stewart Headlam, whom at great personal cost befriended Oscar Wilde immediately prior to his trial and imprisonment, at a time when everyone else was dropping him like the proverbial hot potato) the candlestick-climbers can be relied upon to support GAFCON for as long as they’re needed. After which they’ll make a wonderful squeaky-toy for the Protestant Truth Society .

Not that little Bobby Duncan would ever think of doing such a thing, of course. Like our new communion members in the Reformed Episcopal Church, he’s always been famous for his Catholic tendencies – after all, he is on the board of Trinity.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

3 comments :

motheramelia said...

"Beware of the watchdogs of religion, how viciously they bark and bite." I think my Beware of the Dogs is appropriate.

IT said...

Oh Father, can you please explain to me why the proportion of BISHOPS in the purer if smaller churches is so much higher than the proportion of BISHOPS in the larger, more established churches?

My dear papa used to have a very non-PC saying, "too many chiefs and not enough Indians."

A cynic might suspect that they are all consecrating each other in a fit of ambition, humility being sorely lacking. But at some point, doesnt there have to be a cohort actually, you know, doing the real work of ministry?

David |Dah • veed| said...

I was not aware that those churches were involved in any real ministry IT. They are all self-supported by the ordination fees.