Everyone knows homosexuality was unknown in Africa before its introduction by Apostate Episcopalians. Even so, few people realize just how successful American Evangelists have been when it comes to convincing young men and women to abandon the natural desires God may have forgotten to give them in favour of a predilection for musicals and ballroom-dancing or Subarus and softball. In the greatest piece of investigative journalism since Woodward and Bernstein enabled Christians to talk about Deep Throat without making any suspicious, the Nigerian Daily Sun has revealed the shocking truth in an article with the admirably understated headline of Homosexuals Invade Nigeria.
I’ve been saying this for years, of course, but the Sun’s research proves how quickly things can go to hell in a handbasket when Big Pete Akinola is turns his back for a moment to enjoy the trials of ministry in Bermuda and Singapore. Posing undercover on a notorious African homosexualist internet meat-market, the intrepid journalist manage to score a whopping 13,836 hopeful African respondents in just two weeks!
My Beloved Sinners – that’s almost 2,000 replies a day! Even Peter Ould couldn’t manage to get that many propositions, not even if he were to write his number on every cubicle wall in every public lavatory in Ware. What’s more, since none of the people replying, nor any of the other advertisers the article recounts in lascivious detail, were homosexual prior to Bishop Gene Robinson’s enthronement in late 2003, we can with absolute certainty state that it’s taken Episcopalian Evangelists just six and a half years to shift an entire continent’s sexuality. At this rate I fear it’s only a matter of time before the malaise spreads to even the highest levels of African Anglican leadership: whilst Uganda is for the present beyond question so long as Alison Barfoot is around, who knows what the future holds for those Provinces without such overtly heterosexual westerners to keep things straight?
Still, things aren’t all bad. As the article continues: “Sunday Sun learnt that a lot of rich, powerful but depraved people are the ones the new Nigerian members hanker after.” As long as rich and powerful but depraved foreigners remain desirable there’ll always be a place for Howard Ahmanson and his fellow Reconstructionists. Not to mention their money.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.