Thursday, July 29, 2010

Lessons Matt Kennedy Learned When Attempting Theft - #9

(We’re reaching my favorites now, Beloved Sinners!)
9. Be careful for spies in your congregation. If you have a parishioner who is angry and disgruntled and yet for some inexplicable reason continues to attend services and meetings--especially if said parishioner suddenly stops complaining--beware. Do not say anything in public that you do not want the diocese to know.
After all: the idea that someone might wish to remain a part of the spiritual community they joined long before you came on the scene is ludicrous. As is the idea that anyone has a right to think differently to the way they've been told to. You are the church, so if they don’t agree with you they’ve no business staying. And wearing a little hat made of tinfoil will stop those evil Episcopalian mind-scanners from reading your inner-most thoughts - especially those bothersome ones which suggest you’re growing paranoid.

25 comments :

jane smith said...

I think it's time to stop being so horrid about poor old Matt. He and his lady wife are not having a good time! Has anybody read her blog recently? I have, and the whole family seems to suffer from all manner of troubles.

Jane (a beloved sinner in South Africa)

Anonymous said...

Of course, living with secrecy and suspicion of others is the mark of true Christian faith and charity.

Anonymous said...

This blog was somewhat humorous when it started, but now it's just the same joke over and over again, mixed with plain old unChristian meanness.

I am sure there is something more an intelligent, sensitive woman such as yourself can do with her time.

A little satire here and there can be fun, but its turned into a witness that liberal Christians are jerks.

a friend in NYC.

Point of Order said...

If satire doesn't draw a bit of blood with the laughter, it wasn't effective.

As I tell everyone I go to a ballgame with, it’s someone’s first time there and therefore a magical event for them. Just because you're a season ticket holder doesn't give you the right to diminish the event. If you don’t like the game, stop coming.

+clumber said...

Oh Father Troll, you've been a bad bad boy, commenting on a post that Matt± has so lovingly blessed us with! Surely he never thought or imagined that anyone would disagree with him!

Now I know I'm an old dog, but when a gift like this falls in your lap, it's important to sift through the words for all the humor you can! This is like Father's Day, your birthday, Christmas and Easter all in one day! Keep up the good work! And I want someone to name the spy or spies who were undermining the Good Father!

Anonymous said...

Not to mention it is creepy and obsessive to write nine posts in a row focused on somebody (anybody).

Anyone the focus of such an obsession would be justified in talking to a lawyer about getting a restraining order.

A friend in NYC

+clumber said...

Oh, I'll see your satire and raise you with a threat!

W.V.: splat

Point of Order said...

There are 21 lessons from Matt. He put them all in one post. But the import and substance of his lessons deserve individual comment. Why, these lessons could be the basis of individual blogs!!

I have been waiting at the feet of Fr. Troll to extend and enhance the commentary so thougthfully provided at Viagraville.

David |Dah • veed| said...

As the one well known to have been granted the spiritual gift of troll discernment on the Anglican blogs I declare:

Friend in NYC = Concern Troll

Anonymous said...

I may be a concern troll, but that doesn't change an honest interpretation. This whole thing is at its very base creepy and obsessive. Small and mean. Beyond that, it is a bad witness. And beyond that, it's not even funny, or even slightly humorous.

A friend in NYC

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Jane: Your concern for Hostillium is appreciated, but a more extensive reading of her blog will reveal her and little Matt are always suffering from all manner of troubles. Most of which appear to be entirely self-inflicted.

Concern Troll in NYC: You're not my friend, and what's more the Spirit has told me you're not even my Amway salesman. Should little Matt follow your suggestion and contact an attorney my recommendation is he find a different one to the previous winner. And if the lawyer has any sense they'll demand payment upfront.

+Clumber: Thank you, Your Grace. Little Matt's 21 points are indeed a blessing one receives perhaps but once in a life-time! Besides, there's still another 12 gems to go and we've already got a concern troll hovering between claiming to be my friend, making very funny veiled legal
threats, and accusing this blog of being "creepy and obsessive". By the time we've finished all 21 I'm expecting armed gangs of homophobe orthodites to be scouring the country in search of Ichabod Springs and the St. Onuphrius' Rectory!

Pete said...

I am considering coming out of my recent retirement to cash in on gathering a share of the schismatics' attorney fees they seem happy to pay to attorneys all across our country who lose time and time again in court.
With enough fees I could open my own church and pass around a weekly collection plate to make money without all those pesky court appearances...
Could I still appoint myself a Bishop if I owned the church?

Anonymous said...

What a hilarious goof-ball you are!

I am indeed the only friend you have here. None of the others care about you wasting your time looking like a mean little psycho with a Matt Kennedy obsession to fill her empty life and deep craving for attention.

As far as the legal threat goes, I can see that scared you a bit. Nevertheless, in this internet age we should all be concerned (like a concern-troll) about weirdo-obsessives writing post after post about us in pure Mark David Chapman-style.

a friend in NYC

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the reference to she? Who actually orchestrated the plan to forge a deep wedge within the Anglican Church(based upon intolerance and hatred of GLBT people) and then advised on the taking of church assets? It seems to me that this person or persons, needs to be doing some deep soul searching. Matt Kennedy sounds like a pawn in all this and has suffered the consequences of showing loyality to very misguided individuals.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Come, come now, my little NYC Concern Troll: I've never stalked or obsessed about anyone. Just ask little David Virtue or the Ould twins.

You are, however, quite correct that your breathtakingly vast knowledge of jurisprudence has left me trembling, although that could just be a side-effect of dinner - perhaps “Preparing Fugu for Dummies” made things look a little easier than they really are.

Either way, rather than brief an expensive attorney my recommendation is you approach the next police officer you see and demand they act immediately to “stop the terrible Father Troll laughing at failed Conservative property-thieves.”

Don’t accept no for an answer: if the officer claims they’ve never heard of St. Onuphrius’ and Ichabod Springs you can be sure they’re just trying to fob you off. Loudly accuse them of also being part of the Evil Apostate Conspiracy and demand to see their superiors...

Later, while you’re cooling down in solitary and the Taser sting is wearing off, take some time to ponder how much more effective Jesus’ witness would have been if He hadn’t spoken so rudely to those nice Pharisees.

Anonymous said...

Would past and present GLBT people who have been ostracized for most of their lives, developed mental health issues, attempted suicide or were successful,think that the ignorant ravings of conservative evangelical preachers are the equavilant to the ravings of Mark David Chapman? Did Mark Davd Chapman say ...God made me do it?

Anonymous said...

I am really your only friend, telling you that you are embarrassing yourself by wasting so much of your time on satire that was kind of funny a couple years ago, but now is just creepy. Seriously, you are going to spend time writing 21 posts in a row on Matt Kennedy? Is it just to get the attention you aren't getting in your real life?

You are obviously a gifted writer with an active imagination. Nobody is happy about the state of the church today, but instead of using your gifts to build up people and the community - to make the world a better place - you take on this goofy persona to write post after post about some priest in upstate New York who lost a lawsuit.

But go on with your creepy obsession, it's obviously feeding something for you. No matter how you cut it, writing scores of articles about a person - any person is obviously warped.

Your friends here, especially the clergy friends, if they had someone in their congregation behaving like this they would certainly call you out on it. Otherwise, they don't truly care about you. You know deep down I am telling you the truth.

A friend in NYC

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

No, Concern Troll "deep down" I don't think you're right. Regardless of how used you are to telling people what they think.

"Deep down" I think you're a nasty little conservative troll who doesn't like to be laughed at. Which is exactly the same as what I believe on the surface. Unlike your type there's no difference between what I profess externally and believe inwardly.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Creepy obsession?

This soppy, and shamefilled reader, defends a pompus excluder of LGBT Christians at Holy Eucharist (no matter the ¨person of Gods¨ individual character as if he could know) and is brimming over with codependent ¨bleeding heart disease.¨ Yikes, run the virsus program!

So prudent, so wise, so disciplined, so ¨measured¨ so starched and parched and harmful to everyones good emotional and spiritual health.

Suck-em-ups-go-along+ doesn´t even know how to SAY NO to theiving, deceiving and flat out abuse and hate-mongering (or care to point out why it may be harmful to other Epsicopalians/Anglicans at at home, in Africa and other GAFCONNING hotspots of vileness at the Anglican Communion).

It´s not healthy to attack Fr. Christian Troll. Fr. Christian, who has been, and remains, entertaining and brilliant/inspiring in spite of disgusting behavior from dangerous bigots at Church who lead ongoing pogoms that harm others. It´s not easy to keep laughing at the INSANITY of it all!

Do you, dear NY Coward join in with anti-lgbt schismatic preachers ¨beliving¨ they are spreading love and not HATE and certainly not initiating REAL violence, slander and damning-to-Hell LGBT people at Church?

Codependent sickness, running rampant (again) as so many of the truely hateful and demented, New York, or not, infected folks remain insecure COWARDS propping up their unwholesomeness by repressing others...don´t dare peek out from the DEFENDING of OTHERS (any will do) MODE...it´s scary when you face your own reality. It´s so STARK!

Who is the fairest of them all? Certainly it must be you ¨concerned¨ (is this purselipped puritan from Larchmont New York or something like that?).

I´ve seen her/it before at my blog!

Careful Larchmont: Don´t become an accessory to a crime of hate by defending the abusers of your brothers and sisters at The Body of Christ (and beyond).

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Sorry Fr, Troll,

I think I screwed up and re-ran my little comment accidently...please clean up my act (as you work on a few other peoples too).

I think this is the Larchmont, New York troll.

MarkBrunson said...

A restraining order?

Restraining from what?

Reading Matt-the-Weepy's public defecations?

Silly old troll. Sunlight's gonna get ya!

MarkBrunson said...

Laughing at evil is an excellent witness!

Anonymous said...

"Codependent" and CAPITAL LETTERS are NOT the way to CONVINCE people that you're right.
"Pogroms"? Are you SERIOUS? Or just a drama QUEEN?

Anonymous said...

Dear Father Christian

I was actually being tongue-in-cheek about my concern for the Kennedy duo :)I couldn't agree more: entirely self-inflicted, especially Mrs K, who seems to think we should feel sorry for her "having" to cope with so many kids. Modern science has a solution, sweetie-pie, and if you choose not to use it, that's your party.

And now for my message to the New York Troll: some time ago, Fr Christian's blog made me laugh when I felt I had nothing to laugh about. So a big thanks to Fr Christian.


Nobody has to read someone else's blog. If satire isn't to your taste, don't read it.

As far as bad witnessing is concerned, "Christian" cyberspace is dominated by tub-thumping heretics. That's right, heretics. People who've been duped into believing that following Jesus is all about rooting for mum, dad and the kids ("family values").

It's not.

Love the photo and caption of the choirboys, Fr Christian and keep up the good work.

Jane

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Jane: Thank you indeed for your kind words. As a courtesy I'd like to express my gratitude in Afrikaans, but sadly the only expressions I learned while at the Jan Smuts Institute for Reformed Theology and Drinking would probably arouse our Concern Troll a little more than is sanitary.

Anonymous: (Are you sure you're not just Brad on a different internet connection?) Leonardo is free to use as many CAPITALS as he wants. As is any other beloved sinner here. If the hell people face on a daily basis in places like Uganda (see here if you think I'm exaggerating) or the Midwest College for Insecure Males Obsessed with Sports, Guns and Hating People Who Are Different isn't a POGROM, or doesn't make you fell like SHOUTING, then you're probably too stupid to understand what he's saying anyway.