Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Lessons Matt Kennedy Learned When Attempting Theft - #7

7. Tell your people that any bequests or memorials or donated items (if given to the church or bought by the church with money parishioners have given) will, if you lose, belong to the diocese.
Read point six. Again. Then get back to work convincing your parishioners that the diocese wants their money to drown kittens and force puppies with big eyes to engage in immoral activities. And don’t forget to keep haranguing them to give their donations directly to you. Do I also need to repeat the bit about “in cash”?

16 comments :

Anonymous said...

Does anyone in any church realize that this fighting over buildings to house congregations that are shrinking away regardless of whatever side you pick in the fight over flaming vicars and clergy with two x chromosomes makes you look even stupider to the rest of the world than you already do with those stupid hats on?
As if communion for dogs weren't enough...

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Come now, little Brad my son. There's nothing wrong with giving the Sacraments to dogs, cats, or any other noble creature. It's only at the notion of making them available to nitwits like you that I draw the line.

Anonymous said...

What about rats? Or worms?
What qualifies a creature as "noble"?
You baptize dogs? At least they're upfront about their lovelives, which is certainly more than can be said for most clergy.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

"What qualifies a creature as 'noble'?"

I should have remembered that nobility would be a foreign concept for you. My general definition revolves around being able to resist the urge to present oneself as a nit-picking prat.

Padre Mickey said...

Living here in the Tropics, we have many very very very tiny insects about, and, on occasion, when one opens the ciborium one finds tiny tiny tiny hormigas skittering across the Reserved Sacrament. Is this better or worse than giving the sacrament for the unprepared, or Brad?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

In the spirit of of John Donne’s The Flea, the Sacraments are undoubtedly distributed to all manner of critters, albeit indirectly. In my experience these are - las hormigas included – invariably more theologically and metaphysically astute than Brad and his ilk.

Anonymous said...

"nit-picking"? Just trying to be accurate, show how things look when brought to a logical conclusion.
But religion and logic have about as much to do with each other as sports bars and the kinds of men who are increasingly presenting themselves for ordination in Mainline Protestant and catholic churches.
And I've taken communion wafers from clergy and flushed them down the toilet, thereby consecrating the bowl into a ciborium. Now I just need a red light in the bathroom....

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Is the red light so that you'll know when to stop playing with it, little Brad my son?

Anonymous said...

There is no time to stop playing with it-or to stop using sexual innuendo as a substitute for answering with logic and proof.
And the red light is another accessory, another way to dress up and play at religion, another prop to support something that's essentially drama club for those out of high school.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

No Brad my son, there is a time to stop playing with it. I can't believe you've already forgotten what what happened last time Matron discovered you'd given yourself blisters.

Anonymous said...

I thought the Red Light was a sign that people were supposed to bend the knee to a wafer.
Which makes it one of the stupidest items in a building not known for rationality.
Why not let everyone "consecrate" wafers at home? Or mail them to people? Or how about vending machines, for communion on the go in airports and the like?
Why pretend that only people who've decided they've been called by someone whose existence can't be proved and whose voice can't be heard can wave their hands around and make wafers and wine different?
The SacramentS? Does this mean you baptize animals? Or do you include Ordination, Marriage and Ordination in that, like a good Tractarian?

David |Dah • veed| said...

Your ignorance, manifested by these comments, reveals that you have no real understanding of the communal nature of the Eucharist, Sad Brad. Which is why one of its names is Communion. It is not magic. It is ritual. It is sacred memory. It is an act shared with others to have significance. And when it is loving carried by messengers of the community to the incarcerated, the aged, the sick and the invalid, it is a further sharing of the communion of that community gathered.

Anonymous said...

There is no "sacred" anything. Ritual is another name for "theater"-people wasting their time pretending they're doing something important.
If I were in the hospital and someone brought me a wafer, I would probably be unhappy that they didn't get me something more nourishing to eat.
As for ordination and the validity of something that can't be checked, you're on your own. How do you prove who has "valid" orders and who doesn't?
If something exists just because you say it does it's a fantasy.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

And if you think something doesn't exist because you say it doesn't you've a high probability of suffering from a narcissistic personality order. Although I dare say most people here reached that conclusion about you, little Brad, a very long time ago.

Anonymous said...

But neither does anyone else.
And none of my personailty disorders demand funding from strangers based on fantasy.
Or dressing up is weird clothing and talking to the air.
And please don't accuse me of personality disorders; they're painful for those who live with them. But speaking about people you've never met and never will meet is a common practice of the religious, so I cannot blame you for this.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I've never denied their pain, little Brad. Nor will I deny their existence.

And now let's give the passive-aggressive shtick a rest - ok? You do blame me for doing something - that was the whole crux of your last comment. That you then continued by doing it yourself said more about you than any wise-crack I'll ever be able to make.