Since delivering my previous homily I have been positively inundated with emails (well actually there were only two, but it sounds better if I adopt an Evangelical approach to accuracy) demanding to know why I reversed my previous decision to appoint Deacon Dobby Ould as St. Onuphrius’ next Curate, and instead reinstated the young and foolish Rev. Evangelical Eric.
Prior to answering I would first like to stress that appointing Mordor house-elf wasn’t my idea. Rather it was revealed to me by the spirit in the course of much faithful prayer and Bible Study. The blame for what is clearly an error of discernment must be placed entirely at god’s feet – whom, given His appalling record when it comes to making the sun rise on both the just and unjust alike, has clearly very little skill when it comes to selecting good from bad.
The final straw was a post at Viagraville, in which the naughty half-Austrian has once again managed to upset the wholesome and well-balanced fraternity frequenting my own site’s esteemed imitator. Although I do believe those who accusing him of being anti-Catholic are going a bit far: after all the boy only described conversion to Catholicism as “a move that denies the Scriptural gospel “, so it’s not as if called them sub-Christian (the quote’s at the bottom of the link). Or started claiming lay-presidency is “authentically Anglican” again.
Now as everyone knows, I cannot and will not abide anything which upsets the inhabitants of Viagraville. Whether we’re discussing the rank and file, or the blessedly immoderate moderators: Melanie, Happy Sarah, or little Matt “Calvin’s Chasuble” Kennedy, makes no difference to me – when someone brings distress to that happily united throng they’re finished as far as I’m concerned. Irrespective of much other’s might praise the writer for producing “smarmy tripe”, or admire them for engaging in the admirable Conservative practice of teaching others about things of which they clearly know nothing.
After all: just look at my own example. Do I ever upset anyone? Obviously not! Do I inflame and distress those clearly less intelligent and more sinful than myself? Never! Nor, therefore, will I ever accept that sort of behaviour from any of My Ministry Team. Not even from a lowly and dishonest Curate. Even if there is no denying that his ability to relate to his fellow Conservatives is almost effective as his ministry to atheists.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.