Saturday, January 29, 2011

You've done it now, Matt Kennedy.

Few Beloved Sinners will be aware of this (largely on account of you having lives of your own), but back when little Matt Kennedy was being evicted from the Rectory which he was so unjustly prevented from stealing, the Boy Wonder of Binghamton was concurrently facing a second equally devastating catastrophe: his wife’s cat had inexplicably sought to escape from a life of captivity in the Kennedy household. With his typical pastoral acumen, the young layman knew exactly what to do: he implored his Facebook faithful to commence praying for the return of Mrs. Kennedy’s lost pussy.

Naturally upon being informed of this by a fellow member of the Episcopalian Commentariat I immediately commenced work on a homily notifying my global readership of the greatest calamity to have faced the Communion since witnessing unbelievers being hung, draw and quartered ceased to be classified as family entertainment. Yet only moments later came a second notification from my esteemed source: little Matt had taken exception to our assisting his search for the errant kitty, and demanded we cease and desist, implying that our concern for his wife’s wayward pussy was in some way not “classy”.

Now as a Conservative Bible-based Orthodox Schismatic Anglican “classy” is, I must confess, a somewhat foreign concept to me. Nonetheless, sensing that Mr. Kennedy was inferring that the subject of my homily would in some way cause weaker brethren such as himself to stumble, I decided to abandon the work in question. Yet thanks to the Mr. Kennedy’s unsurpassable experience in ministry, as revealed at Viagraville (where else?) Christendom remains unenlightened no longer. That’s right, being “classy” involves using the murder of a man far, far greater, and far, far braver than little Matt can ever hope to be as an excuse to equate mutually loving relationships between consensual adults with pedophilia. It involves demanding the government refrains from involving itself with trivialities like health care and education, but observes and intimately controls what consenting adults choose to do in the privacy of their own bedrooms - imprisoning and executing those whose love follows paths different to those down which Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy and their moggy meander.

In short, we've now all seen that being “classy” involves showing one’s true colors, which in the case of Matt Kennedy and his evil ideological consorts include bloody hands and a corpse-green heart. And so, in a spirit of pure gratitude for their transparency, I respond by dedicating to them the following:

The gloves are off now Pharisees. You ain’t seen nothing yet. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible. You're not, and you worship Moloch.


Leonardo Ricardo said...

That ought to make even Alfred E. Kennedy quake in his quack!

Holy Posturing Pervert this is scary!

Grandmère Mimi said...

No more Fr Nice Guy! Fr Christian I await your venom with bated breath.

Anonymous said...

Check out Stephen Noll's incredibly bizarre response after layman Kennedy's! I used to know Stephen but am blown away by these Stand Firm scepters. Sorry about the puns. ;-)

Fr. Maxwell Smart+

Anonymous said...

Father isn't it time The Anglican Church struck at the root of the evil?
Where are the real Anglicans in Sydney? Will they leave it up to others?

Ms Baggins

Anonymous said...

Father my comments are disappearing so I won't use the hyperlink.
Isn't it time The Anglican Church struck at the root of the evil.

Where are the real Anglicans in Sydney? Will they leave it up to others?

Ms Baggins

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Ms. Baggins: The blogspot spam filter was blocking your posts in what was clearly a demonic attack. My apologies - and doesn't the fellow with the mustache at the bottom of page 2 on your link look as if he has a remarkably deep closet?

Fr. Smart: There's never any need to apologize for your puns here. However I do trust that when you say you "knew" Stephen Noll you're not implying it was in a biblical sense. Although if your are, and you happen to have any pictures, please don't be shy about sharing them with me. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to contribute handsomely to any ministry which involved them not being published here.

Grandmère: "Venom" is such a harsh word - I prefer to think of what is developing even as we speak as "the brutal sword of merciless ridicule". Although as a dish best served cold I beg of you to not bate your breath, but to please just trust that something truly great is afoot. As things proceed I will be privately emailing any Beloved Sinners interested in watching things unfold, so I promise nobody will have to wait until the final dénouement before the mirth commences. Till then must beg your patience - but not for too long ;-)

Anonymous said...

Father wouldn't it be nice if Matt Kennedy and his bigot mates could display the compassion that this small church does?

Anonymous said...

I have never understood why a man who married a woman and a pussy should be so obsessed with gay people. He reminds me of Prostate Pete who today threatened me, after I used a "copyright" photo of his ex-gay visage on my biblical blog. Kennedy now suggests that Mr Kato's murder wasn't gay-related. What is it with these "straight" men who are so worried that everyone isn't attracted to women and cats and should be persecuted?

Anonymous said...

Well Father Carte, you've got to admit that Peter Ould does have a face for radio. Even The Anglican Church League removed his photo from their post...Gay Wedding liturgy analysed. I'm sitting here looking at a copy of the original post with the picture. Here Peter is wearing a striped shirt not a British flag!

Ms Baggins said...

Yes Father,
Peter Bolt of The Australian church Record does look like he has a deep closet full of leather.

Anonymous said...

If you looked like Prostate Pete, you would also be very sensitive about people seeing your photograph.

Anonymous said...

Holy Scepter! I only knew Stephen Noll from a distance, certainly not in the biblical sense.

Fr. Maxwell Smart+ said...

I have some good news for Mr Quiverful Kennedy: there is a country that bans all the things he wants to see banned: it's called Saudi Arabia.

Can't wait for the gloves-off Alice Cooper sermon, Fr Christian.

Jane (Pretoria, South Africa)

Anonymous said...

When will Mr. Kennedy begin to feel the sting of your lash on his pitiful shoulders, Father?

Anonymous said...

Looks like Bob Duncan will soon be running his archepiscopate out of a rented space in a strip mall.