My Dearly Beloved Wicked Evildoers – I’ve got to confess the terrible slide of Stand Firm in Faith into apostasy has left me deeply distressed. Bishop Quinine says my obsession is probably just an after effect of some of the herbal medications we’ve been experimenting with, while Consuella says something about them all just being loco y estúpido, but as a pastoral Doctrinal Warrior I just can’t help myself: Fr. Matt Kennedy’s embrace of anti-marriage liberalism deeply saddens me.
I know I should, as Bishop Clumber so helpfully pointed out, appreciate the fact that with a mere six years experience (my late-sainted mother served longer prison terms than that – a comparison to which anyone who's heard Fr. Progeny preach can well relate) that the young trouble-maker can be expected to be wetter behind his ears than a televangelist’s Jacuzzi, but when it comes to Ministry that’s no excuse! I was Ordained decades before Mass Progeny’s father was so much as begging the Matt’s mother for “just a little squeeze” after youth fellowship social evenings – as were a great many of the Clergy he’s currently criticizing. The Bible might well condemn Sodomy and wearing clothes made from cotton/polyester, but it also says a fair bit about respecting your elders, and stopping to think they might know something you don’t before bursting into an ejaculation of criticism. Although I dare say that when you’re young and your wife is driven by hostility coming from somewhere “underneath” it’s hard to not find oneself fascinated by thoughts of all the firm young men getting it on like rabbits in Vaseline, but that’s still no excuse for not getting a little more perspective on things before urging everyone else off into schism.
All of which has made me to want to dedicate this coming Sunday as a Day of Prayer for the young liberal and his foolishly deceived flock. However as Brother Richthofen and his friends from seminary have been planning a big outreach service as part of St. Onuphrius’ contribution to International Penile Insecurity Awareness Day, and I’m loathe to cancel what is promising to be a most arousing event. Brother Richthofen and his friends have thoughtfully noted that Stand Firm and International Penile Insecurity Awareness Day have more in common than most of Fr. Progeny’s revisionists can admit, and so have promised to incorporate my concerns at Liberalism’s latest conquest into the day’s liturgy. I’ll share the result after tomorrow’s service…
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.