Accordingly I have always found great comfort in being attacked and criticized by those envious of my ministry: more than anything else does their moaning confirm my own righteousness. Even better, experience has shown that the more offensive my teaching is, the higher the day’s hit-rate. The more unbelievers claim that I’ve insulted and disgusted them, the more they drop by to read my latest message from the Scriptures.
There’s nothing new in this: it’s a principle entertainers like The Jerky Boys, Carlos Mencia, and David Virtue have exploited for years. Consequently I’ve decided to really boost the readership by gratuitously presenting the following list of obscenities:
- preventable infant mortality
- child abuse cover-ups
- domestic violence
- escalating adolescent suicide rates
- unaffordable health care
How’s that for starters? Every conservative blogger on the planet should now be contacting my Bishop to complain about the bad language I’ve just used, and my hit-rate should be higher than one of those nudist sites evangelicals never like to admit they visit. After all, words don’t get any fouler than these, do they?
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.