Try as I might, I’m still having problems coping with the court's appalling decision in Colorado. Certainly, common sense suggested “Honest Don” Armstrong would receive a thrashing, but in times like this one wouldn’t be the world’s most Christian reasserter if that special blend of hope and blind arrogance for which us Gafconeers are famous have didn’t lead one to sometimes think with the heart instead of the head. (Which may also be why during my last ECG the needle started recording inspirational passages from Leviticus and Judges, instead of just doing it’s usual little up-and-down scribbling.)
Normally in times of darkness like this I turn to Viagraville for a little light relief, but sadly they’re obviously unable to comprehend the enormity of this blow, and have tried to sweep the whole thing out of mind by dealing with it just one mention . Pay special attention to the comments thread beneath: in a charming attempt to dry everyone’s tears they open with a tasteful innuendo concerning the Judge’s apparently Jewish name. Naturally the heart-broken regulars don’t appreciate this being described as an “anti-Semitic remark": were the comment made anywhere else, or concern little Matt Kennedy’s personal life it would quite rightly be lambasted as “classy” (see here and here, but since the snide remark referred to something other than schismatic Christianity’s spiritual core there’s hardly a problem. After all, the kind of nastiness that culminated in 6 million people being killed is hardly worth worrying about when schismatic pseudo-Anglicans are being prevented from stealing whatever takes their sanctimonious fancy.
Fortunately I was soon cheered by Honest Don’s “Assisting Clergy” and whipping boy; little Alan R. Crippen II. Speaking in Episcopal Life Online, the man who likes to be known as the personification of Effective Stewardship really showed how Christians should respond when confronted by difficult questions. When asked about the minor detail of his boss having pocketed over $390,000 of his congregation’s money (and having kept around half a million more secret from the I.R.S.) “Mr. Stewardship” replied that Armstrong “'is a priest in good standing in CANA' and added that he did not know any details about ongoing investigations.”
With eldership that responsible it’s clear that the new North American not-relly-a-province’s future is in the very best of hands. Jesus might side with the apostates, but Darwinian theories proving only the fittest surviving make it clear who’s going to be here a century from now. As an expert in such matters I can tell you that’s as scientifically certain as the relationship between the platypus and the octopus.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the bible.