Sunday, April 5, 2009

That's enough: Lent's over.

There can be no question about the matter; this whole Lenten time of reflection and sorrow has gone too far, and I know I’m not the only one here who’s not prepared to endure anymore grief, regardless of what the Church Calendar says is and isn’t appropriate.

First you, my dearly beloved sinful parishioners of St. Onuphrius’ had to face the loss of Bosco Peters’ daughter Catherine, then Lisa lost her beloved Ian, and now Lee Davenport has left us to laugh in a congregation much wittier than even mine can ever manage to be.

On top of all this a large number of cherished Canine and Feline friends have passed on from the lives of the humans to whom they provided faithful companionship, love, and the plain honest-to-goodness common-sense that only a four-legged partner in life can offer. Not to mention the tragedies being currently faced by Doxy, Pagan Sphinx, Noble Wolf and all the other friends of Rance - not to mention all the other sorrows I’ve been encountering at too many of the blogs I like to anonymously frequent.

All of which compels me, as Gafcon’s foremost man of action to unilaterally declare an end to Lent. I realise it’s supposed to continue for another week of so, but this thing has carried on much further than anyone ever intended, so this year we’re cutting things short.

What’s more, Christian’s have a fine and distinguished tradition of fighting over the precise date of Easter, and it’s high time we stopped quibbling over petty irrelevancies like gender and the right for us to love whoever God gives us to love, and started fighting over something important instead. Besides, Bishop Quinine has been doing such a wonderful job of cheering me up by performing such an hilarious imitation of David Virtue accusing people of Quartodecimanism that I’d very much like the rest of you to share in the mirth. Obviously the internet won’t let you savor the sibilance of Bishop Quinine’s stunningly accurate impersonation, but close your eyes, picture the Baron of Bombast settling down next to his assistant – the one who used to be in the Village People (go here and scroll down the page: you’ll recognize the one) – for a pleasant evening’s vilification, and then shout at the top of your voice "You insufferable Quartodecimanist!!!!"

See what I mean? Lent is over and you’re feeling better already.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

8 comments :

Kirkepiscatoid said...

So then, you've decreed I can open the hot sauce bottle again? TBTG!

Fred Schwartz said...

I am from Whittier (than most).

susan s. said...

He looks a lot like Cheney, doesn't he? Ugh!

Wormwood's Doxy said...

I'm with you, Father. Thank you for your wisdom and your willingness to act. Lent HAS been too long this year. Let's get to the Orgy of the Chocolate Easter Rabbits straightaway!

Doxy

MadPriest said...

I'm worried, Father and there is panic among your minions. The rumour is that Bishop Nazir-Ali will be taking over from you as head honcho of GAFCON.

Can you categorically state that this not true.

Please be quick as it's cold and windy up here on the railings of the Tyne Bridge.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Calm Down my dear young Father, everything's all under control.

Little Whizzer-Willy may indeed think he's about to acquire the glory of Gafcon's titular headship, but here on the GAFCON side of the blessed schism everyone thinks they're Paul, and nobody ever suspects they might only be Timothy or Dorcas. Take my word for it: even that little Ould fellow in Sydney Australia believes he's at the heart of things - all while never realising who's actually running Gafcon.

Now come down off that bridge at once: if Whizzer thinks big Pete, little Pete, and Greggy Venalballs will ever let him tell them what to do there's a good chance I'll be able to get a fair price for it from him, and we don't want the chap asking for a discount because you've damaged it in some way.

Anonymous said...

Where did Dr. Virtue's doctorate actually come from? No one seems to know.

MadPriest said...

Kenya?