Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm Honest Scrap (1 out of 2 ain't bad).

My Dear Sinners:

It gives me great to pleasure to announce that yet another award as been bestowed upon your beloved Doctrinal Warrior. The fine image on top of the sidebar to your left comes from none other than our faithful friend Leonardo Ricardo, who in turn received it from one of the bravest bloggers you’ll ever have the privilege of visiting.

As part of the rules associated with this great honor one must reveal 10 hitherto unknown things about oneself, and so without any further ado…

One:
People often remark that when in the pulpit I remind them of Freddie Mercury.

Two:
Of the Kennedy’s, I consider Caroline more intelligent, although Matt follows my blog more closely.

Three:
Consuella once stopped me from buying myself Hannah Montana pyjamas because she felt them “inappropriate”.

Four:
I believe little David Virtue finds me more arousing than I do him, although he’s too repressed to admit it.

Five:
The nastiest, most dangerously violent person I’ve ever encountered was a girl named “Cindy”. Honestly.

Six:
Once, in a moment of financial desperation, I worked as a telephone psychic, and people kept expressing their amazement at my accuracy.

Seven:
Hellmann’s mayonnaise goes with everything, except perhaps strawberries and ice-cream.

Eight
Like Frank Zappa, I think Punky Meadows and his contribution to contemporary music are underestimated.

Nine:
Sometimes, when alone in the bath, I like to pretend I’m the Little Mermaid.

Ten:
I believe that Deuteronomy 23:12-13 means Christians should probably not have indoor toilets.

I'm Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

10 comments :

Fred Schwartz said...

Congratulations. I thought you said you were going to reveal 10 hither to things not known about yourself. Most of us were aware of 2,4,7,9,10 and a few of us already knew 1,3,and 8.

Father David Heron said...

Dear Father
By coincidence, I have just returned from a clergy conference where one of your less successful pupils, NT Wright, told us your lectures always reminded him of the late Mr. Mercury. Have you ever dabbled in Zoroastrianism?
PS I have just consumed a plate of Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding covered in Hellmann's Mayonnaise. This resulted in my having to use the outside toilet.

Concerned said...

Fr. David, so they do have Hellmann's in Ole Blighty? I have been concerned about that, as I am visiting this summer and did not want to have to bring my own.

Father David Heron said...

Dear Concerned
Most food outlets in Blighty stock Hellmanns so carrying your own is unnecessary. Besides, Customs Authorities may accuse you of carrying a suspicious substance, and you could be detained as an Al Qaeda terrorist.

Concerned said...

Thank you, Father David, for allaying my fears.

One more question: my careful observation of Rowan Williams over the past few years has me wondering if razors are available in England. Are they? I can bring my own, if necessary.

Father David Heron said...

Dear Concerned
Razors are available to people over 21 in England, but are banned in Scotland and Wales. Your confusion over Rowan is because people originating from Wales are usually known as "hairy Welsh windbags".

was concerned, but now greatly relieved said...

Well, Fr. David, you have certainly lifted many burdens from my mind regarding this summer's trip.

One last note: it is a matter of the highest importance to me that I not take even the slightest chance of running into Tom Wright. I have therefore decided to spend my entire two weeks at Durham Cathedral.

Do you think this wise?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

To be on the safe side, Was Concerned, I'd suggest you also avoid spending too much time in first class airport lounges.

Father David Heron said...

Dear Was Concerned
NT Wright was enthroned in Durham Cathedral but hasn't been seen there since.For a totally Wright-free holiday avoid:
The House of Lords
The United States of America
Moore College Sydney.
Have a lovely time!

was concerned, but now greatly relieved said...

Oh yes, Fr. Christian. And bookstores, too.