Saturday, April 16, 2011

“We are not very confused…”

Like me, seasoned observers of Morality’s Homeland® have been delighted to see little Archbishop Okoh-after-Akinola is at last trying to fill the void left by the retirement of his predecessor, the primate known to Bible-Believers and Sinners alike as Big Pete Akinola.

Signs of his promising rise to GAFCON maturity first appeared a month ago, when, ++Okoh let slip concerns that his faux-Nigerian Clergy in the U.S. were becoming “unruly”. At the time I sniffed long and hard around this morsel, only to come up with nothing more substantial that a few rumours concerning little Martyn Minns’ failure to send as much filthy American lucre back to Lagos as had been expected. Although one of My Sinners did report having heard of more than a little agitation in Abuja that many of the former priests welcomed into the CoN (I defy anyone doubting the existence of God to explain the Church of Nigeria’s acronym) have turned out to view their new-found African heritage as nothing more than a temporary ecclesiastical flag-of-convenience, and are making no secret of their plans to dump it just as soon as something a little more Main Street, U.S.A. comes along.

Now his latest release, that for reasons I can’t begin to fathom has been largely ignored by those Righteous Men comprising my Gathered Brethren, but which has been admirably reported by someone committed to sinful precepts like grace, justice, and balance, shows exactly why little Nicky Okoh was able to rise to the top of the incorruptible meritocracy which is Nigerian society.

Indeed, My Beloved Sinners, it’s a diatribe truly spectacular in its ability to ignore the need for systemic change. When questioned about judicial corruption, for example, His Grace tells how he finds it “difficult to comment upon because I haven’t caught any judge in bribe taken, I haven’t seen anybody, so I can hardly say categorically that the judges or one judge is corrupt”, but that “If there is any certain judge and it is proved that he has misbehaved the law should take its course.” (How much would it cost to find a Lagos street kid who could explain to him that that in Nigeria the judge is the law, and whatever the judge wants is its course? A quarter?)

Yet all this hedging is just a prelude to the body of the address, which is a fascinating response to the question undoubtedly burning in the hearts of Nigeria’s poor and disenfranchised: “HOMOSEXUALISM WHAT IS YOUR NEW?(sic) The penultimate paragraphs of this section feature a fascinating reference to his forebears’ charming traditional predilection for killing twins at birth - the following are his words, grammar, and syntax cited verbatim:
But the question we continue to ask is that the gospel came to us and identified areas where we were not living well and the gospel corrected us, the gospel transformed our lives, for instance we were killing twins here and when it was exposed to us that we were wrong, we dropped it.

The irony of the situation now is that the people who brought this are now telling us that such things are right but thank God we are not very confused we are not confused at all.
Of course you’re not, Your Grace. With statements that lucid it amazes me that anyone could even begin to think you’re confused. Although I do`have just one tiny question: as well as inciting you and your parishioners to re-establish a delightful ancestral association of multiple birth with infanticide, is the Bishop of New Hampshire and his global conspiracy of supporters also behind your country’s persecution of albinos and pandemic child prostitution? Or did you guys come up with those two on your own?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

20 comments :

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Yes, sir, please sir -- may we have another round of ++Nicolas and his spellbinding version of reality? Apparently Martyn Minns doesn´t live in the Primate of Nigerias computer anymore -- either that or Martyminn is going for playing dumb instead of making up new crap for the Grandpoobah of all Nigeria, Anglican Communion, to report as holy writ.

Nigerians ought tremble when they stop and think about what they are doing and have done...all in the name of a God who doesn´t need their defense.

Wade said...

Please phrase your question in the form of an answer...

Peter said...

In the mid 90s, as a newly qualified social worker, I went to manage a residential home for disabled people. I was then full of the white middle-class patronisation of black people that is often misguidedly called ‘anti-racism’ – but is just racism by nicer methods. Many of my staff were sub-Saharan African (mainly Ghanaian and Serra-Leonean). The organisation was a faith based organisation, but this was coincidental to the fact many of these African staff were hard-line Christians; replete with many outward signs of their loyalty to church and Bible. ‘Amens’ and ‘Praise bes’ punctuated their conversation. It was only after a few months of being lied to and cheated that I began to realise that perhaps African Christianity wasn’t the bastion of orthodoxy many of fellow white, middle-class, Christians presumed.

A friend used to berate me for any dabblings with liberal theology. ‘Look at our African brethren...’ he would tell me ‘they hold fast to Biblical orthodoxy’. He and his wife then went off with an Evangelical missionary organisation to work at a Bible college in Sub-Saharan Africa – they were enrolled for a five year stint, but returned ten months later somewhat disheartened with that they had seen – they concluded much congregational African Christianity is concerned with not breaking the 11th Commandment – ‘Thou Shalt Not Get Found Out’ – in the meantime you can lie, cheat, steal and have an affair as long as you don’t get caught. The same friend, a few years later and a good deal further up the greasy pole of the CofE hierarchy, was on an official visit to Nigerian when a church leader tried to bribe him! My friend noted that the only place he found any sense of ‘righteousness’ was in the Muslim north; a damning observation from an Evangelical Christian.

I have posted the odd comment of caution on Carnmer’s Curate’s blog – as its author seems enamoured by all things Nigerian. I have warned him that he will get his fingers burned if he is not careful (see: http://cranmercurate.blogspot.com/2011/04/boost-for-small-church-from-nigeria.html). Of course the likes of Revd Mann don’t publish posts from the likes of me. And in his defence, perhaps he knows more than I about this particular church. However he does, like many of the most vehemently anti-homosexualist (those prone to posting comments heavily reliant on half-truth and making much of a subject that is probably a very small issue in their own or any other church – what is their real agenda one can only wonder...) seem to have an unhealthy schwarm for all things Nigerian; which suggests a failure in the powers of discernment or an over active desire for the romanticisation of Nigerian Christianity.

In an e-mail to a monk friend of mine I noted my concern for those in the American Episcopal Church linking themselves with the Nigerian Dioceses. I hope I am wrong on this score, but I can’t help thinking it will all end in tears...

Anonymous said...

And how can we so quickly forget that great CANA teacher of economic rectitude Don Armstrong? Who is teaching whom?

Anonymous said...

While we are discussing the high morals of Martyn's Minions, let's not forget this story.

Stan Firm said...

Marshall Brown gets the boot and Armstrong is still a priest in good standing.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

That'd be because Marchall Brown committed the heinous crime of looking at perfectly legal pictures of people's smelly bits, while little Duncan Armstrong just stole a couple of hundred grand.

Anonymous said...

Fundamentalists believe that only misconduct involving sex rises to the level of actual sin.

Everything else (lying, cheating, stealing, hatred, bigotry, adultery, etc.) is a mere faux pas at worst, like wearing white shoes before Easter.

Anonymous said...

Father Troll

Have you seen this?

L F Antyne said...

Wonderful link, Anonymous.

"O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us."

In not revealing the author or title of the book in question Duck attempts to stop the faithful checking it out for themselves. Can any reader make good on this omission?

Laugh of the day to see this GAFCON mainstay condemning the constitution of the Church of Australia because it "has developed into a more complex organisation which pursues a centralism hardly envisaged by the framers of the constitution".

Calamity Jane said...

Yes L.F.
It was hard to find out the name of Muriel Porter's book called "Sydney Anglicans and the Threat to World Anglicanism.The Sydney Experiment"
Available August 2011

L F Antyne said...

Thanks for the information and for the link, Calamity. Doubly galling that the book is the work of one who ought to be keeping silent and, moreover, has such excellent Academic and Anglican credentials.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

"Sydney Anglicans and the Threat to World Anglicanism - The Sydney Experiment" by Muriel Porter does indeed sound a truly dreadful work - what could be more hurtful than exposing misogynist congregationalists with global aspirations for what they are? Particularly when they're as manifestly deluded as the little Duck?

In fact it sounds so terrible that I'm placing an order for my copy in advance...

Peter said...

Anyone in the UK interested in the spread, influence and nature of Africa religion and specifically Christianity might consider attending INFORM’s next seminar.

INFORM Seminar XLVI Saturday 14 May 2011
AFRICAN NEW RELIGIONS IN THE WEST

See: http://www.inform.ac/index.html for details

These seminars are held at the LSE, so fairly easy to get to, there’s usually a good lunch and goodly bunch of people (usually souls such as myself, those interested in religion from a social scientific perspective).

Regards:

P.

Stan Firm said...

Meanwhile, as promised at the time of his resignation, Bishop Nazi-Rally continues to striving assiduously to protect the persecuted Christians of the Middle East.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of our friends from Orthodoxy's Homeland....

Calamity Jane said...

Dear Anonomyous
This quote is interesting..."Police said he admitted to officers that he had been 'battling' with his sexuality for years" How can this be so when Evangelicals don't recognize same-sex attraction? Must just be a broken Evangelical.

Anonymous said...

Fr Troll
Have you seen this very passionate speech from a Sydney Anglican who cares about his fellow man even if they are not Evangelical Christians?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Yes, My Sinners, I have indeed been disturbed to find that even in Mordor there are those who presume to preach Jesus instead of concentrating on the Church's more important calling to persecute minorities and make the poor and sinful hate themselves.

No wonder the diocese tried to sue his wife.

Calamity Jane said...

I wonder when they attempted to sue the minister's wife... before or after the $160 million gambling loss on the stock exchange!