Saturday, April 30, 2011

Homeward bound.

Well, My Beloved Sinners, we’re all safely aboard the aircraft and flying back to dear old Ichabod Springs. I can’t deny that I’m disappointed to have not been able to enjoy a little more time in Britain: it would have been marvellous for Evangelical Eric’s ongoing formation as a Clergyman to have taken him to see something more of his Anglican heritage: the fan-dancing theatres in Soho, for example, where I faithfully served as Chaplain during the dark days of the Blitz; or the "cottages" of Hampstead Heath, where the best and brightest Ordinands have traditionally established networks which carried them up to the very pinnacles of the Ecclesiastic authority.

Then there’s the Tower, where by executing two of his six wives Henry VIII demonstrated the family values which still inspire Orthodox Anglicans today. And the London Eye - is anything as character-building for a young Curate as experiencing the pleasure of looking down upon everybody else? Or with more time we could have visited Madame Tussauds: a portrait taken with an effigy of Lady Gaga is the kind of heirloom which adds gravitas to any Vestry wall.

Indeed: as I sit here I can’t but weep at George Washington’s foolishness at rejecting proposals for an American monarchy. After all, what could be more Christian than the principle of rule passing down to the first-born male (providing, of course, he doesn’t do anything as sinful as wish to marry an American divorcee), and relegating children unfortunate enough to be born without a penis to the reserve benches? And it’s beyond me how any American patriot can believe the bunkum Jefferson and his cohorts sprouted about “all men are created equal” after seeing Prince Charles in action. Or Princess Beatrice’s hat.

My prayer today is that everyone in The Home of the Brave might seize this opportunity to correct the terrible error of their Founding Fathers. May they not just embrace ++Cantaur’s marvelous vision for oligarchy, but also turn from sinful notions like the belief success and privilege are just rewards for hard work, and in repentance realize they are actually rights based upon one’s birth, or getting very, very lucky in the marriage stakes.

Instead of intiative and a can do attitude America needs pomp, and ceremony; instead of education and equality the Land of the Free needs pedigrees, and a servant-class who know their place. That way the world could rest in the certainty that there’d be as much chance of another Obama rising to the White House as there is of the heir to British throne ever having a parent called “Lakshmi” or “Priyadarshini”.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Fred Schwartz said...

I certainly know my place. At least as long as I am occupying it.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

and I certainly know my place as long as you and Fred are allowed to occupy yours--I´ve always depended upon the kindness of strangers.

Hip Hip Horray!


That Other Jean said...

Alas, Father Christian, we have tried the pomp and circumstance that our cousins across the pond do so well and failed miserably, as witnessed by the preposterous "palace guard" uniforms of the Nixon White House.

Anonymous said...

I am glad you appreciate the British system of inequality, Father, upon which we "conservatives" know our divinely-ordered estate. Our Monarchy ensures that only rich, happily-married heterosexualists rule over we poor, wretched commoners. I have, today, bought two replicas of Princess Beatrice's hat. I am sending them to Mr Bob Duncan and Matt Kennedy to wear at schismatic conferences, as symbols of the superiority of straight men from Kenya over the rest of the perverted human race.

Mehitabel the Cat said...

Princess Beatrice's hat has its very own facebook page - Princess Beatrice's ridiculous Royal Wedding hat. Much as I will enjoy the sight of Bob Duncan and the Matt in the Hat wearing this creation, Fr Carte, you may have the wrong end of the stick where the "superiority of straight men" is concerned. A poster at the facebook site has perceptively opined that ""I think it's actually a uterus and fallopian tubes".

The DNA of both parents has combined to create something of a broth in these two poor girls. As I remarked many years back to archie the cockroach, blood will tell but often it tells too much

L F Antyne said...

Nor just the hat, I'm afraid.

Anonymous said...

And the Act of Settlement-don't forget to beware the machinations of Louis XIV and keep them from marrying catholics.