Well, My Beloved Sinners, we’re all safely aboard the aircraft and flying back to dear old Ichabod Springs. I can’t deny that I’m disappointed to have not been able to enjoy a little more time in Britain: it would have been marvellous for Evangelical Eric’s ongoing formation as a Clergyman to have taken him to see something more of his Anglican heritage: the fan-dancing theatres in Soho, for example, where I faithfully served as Chaplain during the dark days of the Blitz; or the "cottages" of Hampstead Heath, where the best and brightest Ordinands have traditionally established networks which carried them up to the very pinnacles of the Ecclesiastic authority.
Then there’s the Tower, where by executing two of his six wives Henry VIII demonstrated the family values which still inspire Orthodox Anglicans today. And the London Eye - is anything as character-building for a young Curate as experiencing the pleasure of looking down upon everybody else? Or with more time we could have visited Madame Tussauds: a portrait taken with an effigy of Lady Gaga is the kind of heirloom which adds gravitas to any Vestry wall.
Indeed: as I sit here I can’t but weep at George Washington’s foolishness at rejecting proposals for an American monarchy. After all, what could be more Christian than the principle of rule passing down to the first-born male (providing, of course, he doesn’t do anything as sinful as wish to marry an American divorcee), and relegating children unfortunate enough to be born without a penis to the reserve benches? And it’s beyond me how any American patriot can believe the bunkum Jefferson and his cohorts sprouted about “all men are created equal” after seeing Prince Charles in action. Or Princess Beatrice’s hat.
My prayer today is that everyone in The Home of the Brave might seize this opportunity to correct the terrible error of their Founding Fathers. May they not just embrace ++Cantaur’s marvelous vision for oligarchy, but also turn from sinful notions like the belief success and privilege are just rewards for hard work, and in repentance realize they are actually rights based upon one’s birth, or getting very, very lucky in the marriage stakes.
Instead of intiative and a can do attitude America needs pomp, and ceremony; instead of education and equality the Land of the Free needs pedigrees, and a servant-class who know their place. That way the world could rest in the certainty that there’d be as much chance of another Obama rising to the White House as there is of the heir to British throne ever having a parent called “Lakshmi” or “Priyadarshini”.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.