Thursday, May 26, 2011

++Rowan Gets Biblical (At Last!)

Isn’t it wonderful to see little Archbishop Rowan has finally embraced a Bible-based model of Episcopal leadership. For years we’ve all despaired at God’s Only True Communion being in the hands of someone more interested in studying Dostoevsky than slapping children with Dobson, but now thanks to Andrew Brown of The Guardian we can rejoice that beneath the tangle of Lambeth’s bushiest beard and brow actually lurks the heart of a True Conservative.

That’s right, My Beloved Sinners: the picture of our Preeminent Primate revealed in the recollections of the late Dean Colin Slee is one of a man (although please understand that I use the term loosely) not afraid to bully, intimidate, and generally carry on exactly like the Scriptures show a Prelate should behave.

Indeed, one only has to turn to Matthew 26:65 to see the temple’s High Priest (a title people in Biblical days used for Senior Clergy before they had the Bible to explain that they should really be called Bishops and Doctrinal Warriors) responding to an outrageous allegation (in this instance coming from some upstart who was merely God incarnate, and clearly nobody of any ecclesiastical consequence) by “renting his clothes”. Which doesn’t mean he leased them to poor people in return for a monthly fee, but that he ripped them while shouting and generally carrying on in a manner which in less spiritually mature surroundings would normally result in a team of burly nurses jumping out of a white van and involuntarily administering sedatives.

Rather than suppressing anger, and endeavoring to see things from the other’s perspective, the example of leadership revealed to us here in the New Testament is that of a man exploding, and ensuring his fury is vented upon those around him. Nor should we forget – lest any Apostate Liberals try to deny the passage’s relevance to us today – that this Priest was Jesus’ Minister, since he was in charge of the Church at which Our Lord worshipped. So obviously this must have been the man who gave Jesus all his best ideas (like that one which is something about making little children suffer, or throwing someone into the ocean with a millstone around their neck), since he was the one who would have delivered the sermon Jesus heard each week. In acting like an emotional thug little ++Rowan Williams has finally shown the world that he’s capable of leading in exactly the same manner as the Clergy in Jesus’ day.

Nor should we overlook the example of little Johnny Sentamu. Not only is it clear that the Archbishop of York has been every bit as nasty as ++Cantaur, but in stepping out with three other members of the Crown Nominations Commission at a critical point in the voting for a quick meeting at the urinal (or perhaps the four of them squeezed into a cubicle) (Page 4, Point 26) he’s displayed an understanding of the very essence of ecclesiastical transparency. And next time Bishop Quinine is reported for loitering near a public comfort station we’ll be sure to cite this example in his defense.

Certainly there has in recent years been a great many people questioning the future of our precious Communion in general, as well as that of little Rowan in particular. Yet now I think we can all say with confidence that the time of uncertainty is past. I predict the dynasty of Williams to reign for every bit as long as that of Caiaphas. Whose descendants I’ve no doubt are collecting tithes in Jerusalem. Aren’t they?

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

14 comments :

Stan Firm said...

Sentamu's ongoing silence about the rampant homophobia in his native Uganda - he himself being a former victim of life-threatening persecution in that country - tells me all I need to know about what to expect from him in the Anglican Culture War.

I see - not indulging in irony here - that Peter Ould has an interesting post on the Slee memorandum.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

The really shocking part is that Rowan Williams and the Lord of York actually THINK they can get-away with childish tantrums and brow beating (especially nasty coming from Dr. Williams)...the two of them are goof balls dressed up in mitres! Embarrassing really, these Archbishops have no clothes except down, down, down!

Leonardo Ricardo said...

mistake above-- the archbishops have no clothes and have nowhere to go except down, down, down and out!

Anonymous said...

I was going to post about Peter O's new blog entry as well.

Lord knows I have done more than my share of making fun of him, but Peter is right on the money this time.

Anonymous said...

Both Cantuar and Ebor bear out the modern relevance of Sydney Smith's comment about the then Bisohp of Exeter:

'I must believe in the Apostolic Succession, there being no other way of accounting for the descent of the Bishop of Exeter from Judas Iscariot.'

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...

Thank you Reverend Father in God, for your perceptive observations on true leadership. This outburst reminds me of the expert advice of one Basil Fawlty, who though a lowly lay person, clearly grasped the significance and relevance of his leadership position when he said, "You people swan in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot! Well I'm trying to run a hotel!!!"

Clearly a role-model for all called to Archbishopricks, especially those who grasp that the way to keep people together is to exclude someone they all despise.

L F Antyne said...

Bishop Phillpotts - now there's a name to conjure with - was a more interesting man than either Williams or Sentamu, Anon.

Anonymous said...

This makes no sense... "be illegal to discriminate against him because he is a celibate gay person, it was perfectly in order to discriminate against him because there are Christians who cannot accept gay people".
With that logic gays don't exist or should remain closeted.
This irrational thinking can extend to bigots by saying.. it is perfectly legal to label conservative right wing Christianity prejudical and legally immoral, and the church is perfectly within its rights to discriminate against those who cannot accept celibate gays. No wonder people are finding it difficult to find a place in their life for institutionalised religion. You either sign up to be a bigot, or go insane trying to rationalise thinking that is totally illogical!

Calamity Jane said...

Actually it is perfectly logical to discriminate against evangelical bigots within the church who preach celibacy for single people and then discriminate against Johns for being gay and celibate. What's so hard for Rowan?

Anonymous said...

Amazing-clergymen of the Church of England getting into trouble by gathering in public toilets but NOT for the usual reason!
Who says mainline Protestantism can't be original? You sure do come up with some winners, don't you?

Fr Orsen Carte said...

It is time to eject TEC from the Anglican Communion. The American Church has only one gay male Bishop, whereas the Church of England has at least 13. You Americans are too "conservative" and have a long way to go before you catch up with the homosexualist English Church.

http://changingattitude.org.uk/archives/3531

Anonymous said...

Well, Peter O's first blog entry was sensible, but clearly someone yanked his leash and pulled him back into the fundamentalist camp. Get a load of the newest.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Oh dear - you are indeed correct, Anon. Which just goes to show that you can keep the kool-aid away from the boy, but you can't keep the boy away from the kool-aid.

Peter said...
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