Isn’t it wonderful to see little Archbishop Rowan has finally embraced a Bible-based model of Episcopal leadership. For years we’ve all despaired at God’s Only True Communion being in the hands of someone more interested in studying Dostoevsky than slapping children with Dobson, but now thanks to Andrew Brown of The Guardian we can rejoice that beneath the tangle of Lambeth’s bushiest beard and brow actually lurks the heart of a True Conservative.
That’s right, My Beloved Sinners: the picture of our Preeminent Primate revealed in the recollections of the late Dean Colin Slee is one of a man (although please understand that I use the term loosely) not afraid to bully, intimidate, and generally carry on exactly like the Scriptures show a Prelate should behave.
Indeed, one only has to turn to Matthew 26:65 to see the temple’s High Priest (a title people in Biblical days used for Senior Clergy before they had the Bible to explain that they should really be called Bishops and Doctrinal Warriors) responding to an outrageous allegation (in this instance coming from some upstart who was merely God incarnate, and clearly nobody of any ecclesiastical consequence) by “renting his clothes”. Which doesn’t mean he leased them to poor people in return for a monthly fee, but that he ripped them while shouting and generally carrying on in a manner which in less spiritually mature surroundings would normally result in a team of burly nurses jumping out of a white van and involuntarily administering sedatives.
Rather than suppressing anger, and endeavoring to see things from the other’s perspective, the example of leadership revealed to us here in the New Testament is that of a man exploding, and ensuring his fury is vented upon those around him. Nor should we forget – lest any Apostate Liberals try to deny the passage’s relevance to us today – that this Priest was Jesus’ Minister, since he was in charge of the Church at which Our Lord worshipped. So obviously this must have been the man who gave Jesus all his best ideas (like that one which is something about making little children suffer, or throwing someone into the ocean with a millstone around their neck), since he was the one who would have delivered the sermon Jesus heard each week. In acting like an emotional thug little ++Rowan Williams has finally shown the world that he’s capable of leading in exactly the same manner as the Clergy in Jesus’ day.
Nor should we overlook the example of little Johnny Sentamu. Not only is it clear that the Archbishop of York has been every bit as nasty as ++Cantaur, but in stepping out with three other members of the Crown Nominations Commission at a critical point in the voting for a quick meeting at the urinal (or perhaps the four of them squeezed into a cubicle) (Page 4, Point 26) he’s displayed an understanding of the very essence of ecclesiastical transparency. And next time Bishop Quinine is reported for loitering near a public comfort station we’ll be sure to cite this example in his defense.
Certainly there has in recent years been a great many people questioning the future of our precious Communion in general, as well as that of little Rowan in particular. Yet now I think we can all say with confidence that the time of uncertainty is past. I predict the dynasty of Williams to reign for every bit as long as that of Caiaphas. Whose descendants I’ve no doubt are collecting tithes in Jerusalem. Aren’t they?
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.