At last! The Archbishop of Canterbury has finally started taking my advice, and begun blaming everything on the liberals.
For far too long he’s tip-toed around trying not to offend anyone, when - as I’ve kept telling him - the solution to all his problems has been right in front of him all along – blame all the Church’s problems on the group least likely to defend themselves by hitting back. After all, who are the only ones in the Communion that haven’t threatened to break away? Who have never so much as toyed with the idea of boycotting anything; and who’ve made it clear that they’ll remain loyal no matter how often they get abused, insulted and kicked? The liberals! So obviously they’re the perfect scapegoat, as no matter how what His Grace says there’s no risk of them ever picking up Teddy and finding somewhere new to play.
Besides, isn’t it the liberals who are responsible for what happened to Jesus? To be perfectly honest it’s been a while since I’ve looked too closely at the Gospels, as I generally only preach from Leviticus or Deuteronomy (which I find create a splendid framework for interpreting the Epistles), and for personal devotional material it’s mighty hard to go past Judges and the Song of Solomon, but if I remember correctly didn’t Jesus get very angry with a group of liberals who kept healing people on the Sabbath? And didn’t these same liberals eventually crucify Him for refusing to share their disrespect for God’s Law?
Similarly, wasn’t it Jesus who threw stones at a woman caught in the very act of adultery because the Law says that’s what God demands we do? Even if this is a waste of a perfectly attractive woman whom you just know is likely to be up for a bit when her husband’s not around?
No, while I must get around to one day having a closer look at those front bits of the New Testament, it certainly seems to me that Jesus didn’t have an ounce of empathy for the liberal notion of living in accordance with the Spirit of the Scriptures – but instead demanded we serve God by going straight for the throat of anyone not pedantically obsessed with the Letter of the Law. Which is no doubt why Our Lord was so impressed by the Pharisees.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.