Monday, August 18, 2008

Gay Wind: A Danger One Can Preach On For Hours.

Quite a number of fine Christian readers have left comments or contacted me contacted me regarding “Gay Wind” - a phenomena referred to by Rwandan journalist James Buyinza in an article of his I cited several days ago.

As any leader with qualifications in Biblical Studies and Conservative Theology, and absolutely no training or interest whatsoever in medicine, physiology, psychology or biology will explain, the widespread ignorance concerning Gay Wind - the means by which Homosexuality is contracted - only proves how the west is in such desperate need of GAFCON.

Naturally it’s a danger so rarely acknowledged in our liberal churches that few have ever heard of Gay Wind, and to be perfectly honest even I hadn’t heard of it before, but let’s face it: Buyinza probably didn’t have the faintest idea of what he meant either. Still, it sounded undeniably impressive, and when it comes to further alienating a group of people already on the margins one can never invent enough bogus phenomena with which to burden them.

Feel free to create your own fictitious causes and effects of Gay Wind, and please don’t feel in any way handicapped if you know nothing of theology or human sexuality. Just be creative and authoritarian, and don’t forget to intimidate someone vulnerable in the process. This strategy works wonders for some of the most powerful Bishops in the Communion, so it can’t fail for you.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

14 comments :

Fred Schwartz said...

"Tom Wright and Rowan Williams are false teachers." It's what I've been saying all along.

Here is a quote from one of your ardent admirers, madpriest. I was going to leave you with a muscial interlude, as I am prone to do, but I have changed my mind.
I wish to capitalize on what you and the madpriest of said.

It seems that in this day and age no one in a purple shirt has the temerity to get an education or for that matter need one in order to become a bishop. Just like in the "old days" don't confuse me with the facts, I am busy getting richer and more powerful. Williams, Akinola, Jensen, Schofield, Iker, Duncan, Minns, Guernsey, Edwards, Orambi, Buyinza, or almost anybody tied with an alphabet soup organization. It is like, gone to school? Nope he won't do! Can he find an issue to get him on stage and have the rich conservative think tanks support him? That is our guy! Why have a bishop that emulates Christ, after all look what happens when all that mumbo-jumbo ends up truly helping the marginalized people of the world -- yep and nobody wants to be crucified! Everybody wants to be rich, powerful and important. No one wants to standup for those who cannot stand up for themselves, obivously it is not only a gay wind but a wimmin-wind and a libral-wind. In fact it looks like there are more windbags than real bishops! Maybe fewer bishops would bring this whole conflagration under control?

Father David Heron said...

Fr Troll
I noticed in the Sports Section of the "Daily Telegraph" a reference to Olympic athlete, Tyson Gay. Apparently the Chinese air seems to have effected his victory. The headline ran "GAY WIND-AIDED" Do you think having the gay wind is cheating?

Leonardo Ricardo said...

I've repeatedly noticed and been conflabberated at all the WINDY GAY PEOPLE that think they've got the same right to worship God as REAL Christians/others do...it's obviously a very contagious sickness that is taking on world-wide epidemic status...Now them Lesbians are getting all uppity windy too...it's enough to make us get alarmed and take some actions that have worked so well in them ancient and Biblical eye-for-an-eye days/daze...I've been wonder'n when this filthy disease was gonna be exposed for what it is...I think President Bush otta get some emergency funds for developing anti-Gay Wind-injections to protect Godly people from this ever noticeable plague.

Thank you for the inspir'n work you do here for the truly righteous and devotedly stricken strict worshippers...nobody else seems strong enough to stop this evil, except you, Father Dr. Christian Troll.

Paul (A.) said...

One can limit gay wind by reducing one's diet of beans and lentils.

Laura Toepfer said...

Clearly the African church is referring to degenerate Western music and particularly the woodwind family.

If an oboe is an ill wind that nobody blows any good, then it follows that the bassoon must be a gay wind that blows a sinister and worldly note. Just look at all the time bassoonists spend so-called "whittling their reeds." It's clearly a plot of some kind.

I'd say the church should steer clear of using bassoon in worship and stick to the more orthodox winds, like the sackbut.

Cany said...

I bet Fred was thinking of Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan:) here's two very applicable verses a chorus first...

.....

Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth,
Blowing down the backroads headin’ south.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You’re an idiot, babe.
It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.

I ran into the fortune-teller, who said beware of lightning that might strike
I haven’t known peace and quiet for so long I can’t remember what it’s like.
There’s a lone soldier on the cross, smoke pourin’ out of a boxcar door,
You didn’t know it, you didn’t think it could be done, in the final end he won the wars
After losin’ every battle.

.....

And just by way of comparison, it isn't just this man... Remember Congressman Bob "B-1" Dornan (sigh, from Orange County, of course)? He proclaimed HIV was spread by airborne spores.

A little education can go a long way.

Fred Schwartz said...

cany,
B1 Bob was one of my all time favorite congresspersons. He became the poster guy for those who could make a decision without a single shred of fact. In fact, I think he was the first person to say, "Don't confuse me with the facts". I remember the year he was "dethroned" by a Hispanic woman. There were thugs at the polls that hassled any person of Hispanic descent that came to vote. Unquestionably one of the least tolerant persons (outside of George Putnam) I have ever witnessed in public.

susan s. said...

Well, there you go... Gay spores spread by the Gay Wind! I am only a humble Soprano in the choir, but I think even more dangerous is Bishop Wind.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Bishop Wind????!!!!
Dear child - now that's a truly dangerous breeze! Cyclonic, and comprising nothing but the hottest of hot air.

+clumber said...

Gay Wind? Gay Beans...

Bishop Wind? It's in their DNA and their egos. After all the folderol of Lambeth, all the words thrown out there, all the fuss and nonsense of Indaba Groups and ABC pontificating, and MDG marches in London and GAFCONing (emphasis on CON), I am reminded of Lincoln's statement that "the world will little note nor long remember what we say here", which in his case was false and in the case of Lambeth 2008 is completely true.

Beloved Bishop Maya's statement on the value of naps has more to say to the Anglican world than all the words spewed out at the University of Kent.

Kirkepiscatoid said...

I just want to know if Gay Wind smells any different when it's passed...

richardinmichigan said...

ah, friend Laura, you do not realise how truly you speak: the German for "bassoon" is Faggot (Italian, fagoto, I may not be spelling it correctly) .... proof indeed that the Bassoon is a deep, dark, and sinister instrument

Two Cents said...

Dear Fr. Christian. Regarding the Gay Wind - is this in any way related to the Happy Spirit? Now I understand there are two Happy Spirits - one Happy Spirit of creation and one Happy Spirit sent by Jesus. Which Happy Spirit would this be? The one that creates or the one that repairs?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

I thought “Happy Spirit” is the inspiring elixir Bishop Quinine has been distilling in the Vestry cellar.

This news about the bassoon is most important, however. Clearly there’s been a liberal campaign to cover up the truth about this wicked horn. I’ll be contacting the other GAFCON leaders to seek their support in a global Christian campaign against the sinful bassoon, and everyone can expect some long overdue action on matter.