Thursday, August 7, 2008

Peddling Smut for Jesus with J. Mark Brewer

An astute reader left a comment on an earlier post suggesting that purchasing a book through Mark Brewer’s Third Space Books online facility reveals the internet’s favourite litigant now owns Amazon.

Naturally I checked this claim, and sure enough after clicking the “Proceed to checkout” button I was forwarded to Amazon, where my transaction was concluded. Indeed, since Amazon also has a history of causing the closure of small community focused book-sellers the match seemed seemed logical.

Yet further investigation revealed that Amazon remains a viable business, and their employees are all being paid. Neither have they to my knowledge recently sent any “Cease & Desist” emails, so perhaps rumours of a J. Mark Brewer takeover are incorrect. More likely the two have just formed a simple symbiotic relationship which frees SPCK’s new owner from such burdens as carrying stock, or hiring staff – or all the other nuisances involved in running a bookshop.

Certainly, Mark Brewer’s new range includes titles the old SPCK would have never dreamed of carrying: as just two screenshots from my most stimulating morning’s shopping reveal:

Spanking - A subject shamefully neglected in modern Seminaries

Mark Brewer - restoring traditional Christian literature to SPCK stores

Clearly Orthodoxy J. Mark Brewer style is a whole lot more fun that anyone realised, and I must commend the SSG trust for recognizing that they’ll make more selling copies of "Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure” (another title that caught my eye this morning) than they can ever hope to get from “Great Beards of Byzantium” or whatever it is that’s usually topping the Orthodox bookseller’s charts. Sure the Venerable Orthodox Arch-Primate of Houston (or whoever the clergyman that banks Mark’s tithes is) might have a few problems with “Solitary Wicca for Life: A Complete Guide to Mastering the Craft on Your Own”, and make sure his medication is handy when he sees “Up All Night: Adventures in Lesbian Sex” - “In the tradition of the very finest erotic best-sellers...”. Yet any true GAFCON Christian will instantly understand that the potential profits more than justify any apparent moral hypocrisy.

As I’m quite certain Mark Brewer would publically deny, in the end it’s all about the money. Now please excuse me, as Consuella and I must practise the position on page 37 in one of our new purchases.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

7 comments :

Fred Schwartz said...

Dr. Father Christian:

I have been told, that true to the usual orthodox take over, there is a group (actually seveal) i nthe State of Nevada that have been anxiously awaiting an incursion in which J. Mark Brewer would exercise orthodox oversight on these ranches. Turns out these bunnies are tired of the liberal person running them and are/have been askingfor J. Mark Brewer to "cross the border" and help them gain the piece of "mind" they so rightfully long for.

Father David Heron said...

Have you and the pouting Consuella tried Page 27 in the "+R Williams Safe Sex Guide for Gay men"? Apparently it's the same advice for consenting straight couples.
PS I googled 'Brewer' in case I needed a lawyer to persecute a Christian. It says:
Type of legal advice: Not Known.
Languages spoken: Not Known.
Is this man dumb or what?

Stephen said...

At least he has a good selection of editions of the Koran back in stock.

On a slightly less serious note, I would have to admit that there are some fantastic bargains to be had. Amazon are currently offering 'The ultimate guide to fel***io' for £7.14, but it looks like J Mark Brewer's managed to negotiate a bulk discount; a mere £3.67 to you or I. Value or what? How many copies could he possibly be hoping to shift?

Anonymous said...

For a mere £2.69 you can buy, from this Orthodox bookstore, dedicated to bringing back to the English people the One Holy Apostolic Catholic and Orthodox Faith, The Little Book of Wanking: The Definitive Guide to Man's Ultimate Relief by Dick Palmer (sic)
Buy new: £2.69 / Used from: £0.10
Usually dispatched within 24 hours.

A second hand copy for only 10p must be the bargain of the century. That is less than the cost of a small candle at the church door.

Jim said...

Given the evident level of hypocrisy evident here, mayhap we have found a worthy successor to Dr. Williams?

FWIW
jimB

Anonymous said...

Pretty hypocritical remarks. Why don't you care about the fact that every-time you fill up with gas in the UK, you have to walk by soft porn.

Why don't you care about this indecency? I suppose that it is easier to attack someone attempting to good, rather than attempting to do some good yourself.

Critics are always right. You don't ever have to do anything yourself to be a critic. Just criticize others.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

"Pretty hypocritical remarks" are they "Anonymous" (or should we just skip the formalities, Mr. Brewer?).

Is that because gas stations are also "charities" taken over as "missions" to the godless citizens of the UK? Or is it because the gas stations are also trading under the name of a centuries-old Christian publisher? Or perhaps because, unlike certain God-fearing Texan missionaries to the British book-buying public, gas stations are under some sort of obligation to pay their staff and suppliers?

Incidentally, my dear man, most critics of fine "charities" like "Third Space" I've met work extremely hard: they have to in order to make sure they're not hit with threats of litigation which just might stand up in court.