Sunday, August 10, 2008

Bishop can you spare a dime?

Well, well, well. The Archbishop of Canterbury has found his party went a bit over budget, and his guests have left him £1 million short of the catering bill.

Now I told Rowan to check everyone’s mini-bar before they skipped town, and if it had been one of my staff who allowed the lads to put their “special” room-service massages on the tab they’d be finding their organs going to the highest bidder in a Beijing hospital, mark my words. But do you think he’d listen? And now it looks like he’s going to be forced to shimmy up the funds by touring the U.S. before the repo man comes for his mitre and stole.

Yet fortunately my dear Consuella has quite a bit of experience when it comes to shaking up a few dollars by touring, and with her contacts I’ve no doubt she’ll be able to secure him bookings at some of best paying clubs in the country. There’s a few details she’ll need from His Grace first – such as whether he prefers to dance the pole or concentrate on floor work, and if he’d rather be paid a flat rate plus tips per show, or receive a commission plus share of bar takings, but once we get a reply on that you can be sure he’ll have bookings coming out of his eyebrows. Although on the other hand, we may first have to do something about them as well…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

4 comments :

Robert said...

I despair when I see that people like Rowan fail time and time again to seek the Rev. Dr. Christian's advise for important matters like this. Thank goodness for the expertise of the lovely and ever willing to serve Consuella. She will be able to guide His Grace I'm sure.

Father David Heron said...

Dear Dr Troll.
Could you kindly inform me when and where he is performing. I'd love to push a few dollars up his rochet?

Fred Schwartz said...

I have a special song for this good bishop:

WANDERIN'/NOBODY KNOWS YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND OUT

©1995 Mapape Lake Music Publishing Co., ASCAP
Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out: words and music by Jimmy Cox
©1923, 1924 MCA Music Publishing, a division of MCA Inc., ASCAP

My daddy is an engineer, my brother drives a hack
My sister pulls in washing, the baby balls the jack
And it looks like I'm never gonna cease my wanderin'

I been wanderin’ early and late
New York City to the Golden Gate
And it looks like I'm never gonna cease my wanderin'

Snakes in the ocean, eels in the sea
A red headed woman made a wreck'a me
And it looks like I'm never gonna cease my wanderin'

Nobody knows you when you're down and out
In your pocket, not one penny
and your friends you know you haven't any

If I ever get my hands on a dollar again
I'm gonna hold onto it 'til George Washington grins
It's mighty strange without a doubt
Nobody wants you when you're down and out

Wanderin': new words and music by Peter, Paul and Mary and Bob DeCormier;
©1995 Mapape Lake Music Publishing Co., ASCAP

The Broken Man said...

Do we know if he will be performing in a variety of outfits? I wonder if he takes requests..Its good to see that he tends to carry his own pole so he can practice when he likes - is this the real reasons bishops carry crooks? We should be told!