Wednesday, August 20, 2008

An Award for Kicking You-know-What

Like most GAFCON clergy, I’m interested in buttocks. Or, as young people say, “asses”. Not a day goes by without my thinking about what I like to believe some people do with them, and how certain I am that God will reward me for not joining in their shameless antics. Although, I hasten to add, my interest is purely theological, and the only physical contact I ever permit myself to have with this part of the human form (to which I’m prepared to admit, at any rate) is that occurring in the process of kicking them.

That’s why I'm so honored to learn I’ve been nominated as a genuine “Kick Ass Blogger” by one of the brightest rising stars in the blogosphere: the fine Leonardo Ricardo, whose blog Eruptions at the Foot of the Volcano is itself the epitome of “Kick Ass”.

Now as is the case with most of these award things, there’s a whole list of rules about nominating others which pose something of a problem for a Bible-teacher like myself. You see, among conservative orthodox commentators it’s not considered acceptable to ever really praise anyone – they’re always “close to the truth but…” or “presenting an interesting perspective which needs to be explored further” Consequently if I were to nominate one of the sidebar’s “Gathered Brethren” for this award it would immediately lower my credibility in their beady little nit-picking eyes. Nor, to be perfectly honest, are any of them deserving of such recognition. It may be appropriate to accompany “ass” with any number of words when speaking of David Virtue, for example, but “kick ass” is probably not an accurate combination in his instance.

So instead I must refrain from awarding those bloggers who most closely seek to emulate me, and will instead award those whose theology is such that, like Nicodemus approaching Our Lord, I am forced to visit in the dark of night:

Musings of an Episcopal Padre

Not the Southern Cross

Doorman-Priest

Bishop Clumber

Noble Wolf

The rules of the game are here. And just because I’ve let my guard slip and shown where I sneak off to when not hunting down sin and false doctrine, don’t think you should ever forget that…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

13 comments :

Robert said...

Today is indeed a sad day for all true GAFCON believers. It appears that The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll has completely lost his marbles in nominating my blog for a "Kick Ass Blogger".

I'm sure all GAFCON blogs will be draped in black for at least the next 30 days as a sign of mourning.

+clumber said...

I protest!

I'm not actually sure why yet, but as is true for most matters Episcopal or Anglican, the details are of little significance.

I hereby propose replacing this humble bishop's name with Father David Heron

Doorman-Priest said...

Thank you so much for the Link and Tere Õhtust from Estonia!

susan s. said...

Fr. Christian, congratulations on your award. It has been some time coming and I say it's about time!
I have a question for you about writing, which after reading your blog for some time, I feel you are more than qualified to answer... If one is writing Satire is it necessary to label it as such? I have been under the impression that labeling it as such is a dead cert giveaway that it is not truly satire. I ask this because it has been called to my attention by Father David Heron's reference to an entry of one of The Sidebar Three here at your blog. I went to the said blog #3 and found that he has a whole section on his blog that is labeled Satire. would you be so kind as to address this question soon? I await your kind assistance in this matter. Thank you.

A humble Soprano

Erika Baker said...

Dear Father Christian

I am astonished at what I expect is a mere slip of the pen.

Of course you do not visit the blogs you mentioned in the dark of the night INSTEAD OF, but IN THE COURSE OF hunting down sin and false doctrine.

It's a sad duty and an awsome responsibility, and you fulfill your difficult role with grace and to great acclaim.

Boaz said...

Father Christian

I ask that you desist! In the name of Christian charity, please. I do not want your evango-fundie followers sent my way. Not the Southern Cross is not for them.

Shame on you sneaking around my blog. I know you will say that it is only in order to be foreamed , "know your enemy" and all that stuff but for the life of me!

You are one convert to liberalism that we do not want!

And if this is a ploy to get me to read your blog it has failed!

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Boaz if you'd prefer not to read my blog that's fine, providing you simply look at the pictures admiringly. Think of the image of me as an icon - perhaps even start campaigning among your Puritan compatriots for it's display in their churches.

Two Cents said...

Father Christian - to post your picture is an excellent suggestion and one I have been resisting in offering. I have hung a beautiful 18X21 portrait of you in my office with candles hung about. I offer burnt offerings each morning when I enter my office and I insist that all who enter my office bow and genuflect to the picture. They must do the same when they leave after they have deposited their unmarked envelope of cash at the foot of the picture. When cash is not available other items may be substituted - Rum, Rye or herbs encased in paper tubes are deemed most acceptable.
Father - you and your teachings have been a great inspiration to me and my congregation. I am proud to say that I have been a major force in getting this town's first strip bar up and running with some of the funds your picture has inspired. God's blessings be yours in abundance.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Incidentally, upon re-reading my comment to Boaz above I noticed that Evangelical Eric, to whom I was dictating, incorrectly included an apostrophe of possession in “its” – rendering it “it’s”. He offers his deepest apologies to those whom he has offended by his negligence, and is currently being punished.

Lady Susan S.: I have been following little David Virtue’s “satire” pages for some time now, and have even been contemplating writing about them. I believe the poor boy has confused “satire” with “suppressed sexual fantasy” and is letting something slip out of his lederhosen that he probably ought to keep private. But then again, some might say that also applies to all the other sections of his blog.

Two Cents: Thank you my dear man – nothing inspires this old Doctrinal Warrior like hearing of young fellows successfully applying GAFCON principles to their life and business. Next time I’m in town you can be sure I’ll stop by for a lap-dance and bible-study.

Everyone else concerned about the wisdom of my choice of award recipients, and whom have dared question the spirit by whom I am led: I cite the words of another fine Biblical leader here.

susan s. said...

Oh Father, I so appreciate your willingness to answer my humble question and look forward to the possibility of reading your further wisdom on the subject. And thank you for your biblical reference.

Erika Baker said...

Two Cents
I suggest you also play a constant loop of "Stand up, Stand up for Jesus" in your office.

(Apparently, this hymn was played when the Bishop entered the cathedral at a Priesting in an English diocese this year....accidental, I hope, as the Bishop can have been nothing like our Father Christian.)

Brian R said...

I am honoured Fr Christian. I cannot wait to tell one of ++Peter Jensen's followers when I attend a confirmation service of his on Sunday. +Robert Forsyth was at Gafcon so I am sure he will be pleased you have honoured me. I was not going to attend but the lovely Mother Elizabeth Keaton has convinced me. Do you think I should offer him the copy of Bishop Gene's book which I am reading? Perhaps I might read it during the sermon to remind me there are still real loving bishops in the world.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Dear Brian:
This reputation of this fellow, known as "Bishop Falstaff" for reasons which are obvious to anyone who's ever witnessed him wining and dining when he thinks little Pete isn't watching, has travelled far and wide. Although perhaps not not as far and wide as he'd like to travel if only he could find another diocese foolsih enough to let him of the very short chain by which the Jensen family keep him fastened.

I believe a close member of his family may have already usuccessfuly tried giving him a copy of that book and the Bible has soemthing to say on the futility of such gestures in Matther 7:6

I think your other option of reading it yourself to block his blathering is a much better idea, and please do remember to hold tightly onto your glass if you chance to meet him over celebratory drinks after the confirmation.