Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Article Forty.

The Thirty-Nine Articles came directly from God, and consequently supersede Scripture, Tradition, Reason, and all common sense. What’s more they must never be in any way altered, edited, translated or questioned.

This doesn’t, however, mean their number can’t vary, since God originally only dictated ten articles to Cranmer in 1536. Three years later these were whittled back to a mere six, but by 1552 the Lord had pumped them back up to a whopping forty-two, before eventually settling on a less ostentatious thirty-nine – although for a little while under Elizabeth I there were only 38.

Consequently everyone will have to agree we’re more than overdue for another variation, and so inspired have I been by “Bosom’s Law” as elucidated by our esteemed David Virtue’s Bountiful Bosom on this very site only last week that I’ve decided to increase the number of Articles to forty. Hence, my Dearly Beloved Sinners, it gives me great pleasure to present…

Article XL:
The smaller the schismatic splinter group, the more grandiloquent the titles and vestments.

And in illustration of this infallible precept I offer the following unforgettable image of His Grace, The Right Reverend Bishop Royal U. Grote Jr., of The Reformed Episcopal Church.

This sartorially inspiring icon of the noble faux-prelate Grote in his Cranmer costume comes to us courtesy of Lapinbizarre. If it doesn’t make you wary of Calvinism there’s nothing that can help you: quit now; things will only get worse.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


Brother David said...

I wonder if Matt Kennedy is getting one for Christmas?

Frank Remkiewicz aka “Tree” said...


I know several folks that have a very special present for the goodly Matt Kennedy.

Fr. Christian,

I thought the XL was to not eat tofu on Saturday?

Anonymous said...

Immersed as I have been of late in the primary question of clerical garb...19th century (Cf resolutions proposed Protestant Episcopal Church Fifth Day of Triennial Convention New York Times Oct. 13, 1868 pg 10), Fr. Troll, your comments on this core issue of faith seem to imply that you do not consider clerical dress,--- proper clerical dress, an essential of orthodoxy. Say it isn't so.? EmilyH

david virtue's bountiful bosom said...

Father Christian, I cannot tell you how it pleases me to have my small efforts praised by one of the world's most eminent orthodox theologians.

I am in tears now, and writing a rather large check to assist you in your ministry.

Anonymous said...

I like the hat but I think the ones that Mr. Kennedy will have will sport longer ear flaps to insure that he shall listen only to his own thoughts and not be he won't be deluded by listening to anyone else's

Leonard said...

Really, we´re all trying to cut back and Matt+ has given up so much to set the standard of starkly stripped down...why not remove 12yards of that white fluff and then sew in a black panel into a one piece pullover and yes, velvetish acrylic earmuffs will be fine also in black (a tiny gold plated cross upright at the crown)...besides, all that other embellished cluttercloth has to got to GO!

david virtue's bountiful bosom said...

Given the judge's reactions to Matty's egregious attempts to spend down contested assets, he should probably be looking for an orange Canterbury cap to match the jumpsuit.

Brad Evans said...

Are you aware that the catholics and the orthodox say that you're pretty much the same-that without WASP money, you'd be about as important as the Armenian Apostolic church and the Polish National Catholics?
That thought ever cross your minds before you start mincing around in chasubles?
What the heck is it about gays and church drag?
"Avoid the Anglo-Catholics; they're all sodomites with unpleasant accents."

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

... and with money, my dear little Brad, people wouldn't dismiss your delightful moaning as D-Grade trolling. But sadly reality invariably takes precedence over hypothesis every time.

Meanwhile, the Romans and the Orthodox are free to say whatever they wish - but whatever they say it will still be wrong.

Brad Evans said...

What is it with the higher than normal percentage of gays in the clergy?

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

You'll have to address that question to God, my dear little Brad, who invariably grants Vocations with a logic inscrutable to that of mortals - although my personal belief is that God enjoys irritating the bigoted and homophobic as much any other thinking being does.

Brad Evans said...

Then why aren't a lot of dentists or IRS auditors gay-or at least not in such obvious numbers? Even if you're religious, you only see the pastor once a week for an hour or so and you're part of a crowd; a dentist or IRS auditor is focused only on you and it's usually very uncomfortable.
Since I don't believe in any higher power, I thought I'd address my question to someone who's in the profession and who might actually answer it without being evasive or condescending: disappointed.
I always thought that since religion is becoming more and more marginalized among middle class whites (especially with lots of education)those groups among white people would be increasingly represented in the ranks of religious professionals: women and gay men. Being a pastor hasn't been nearly as prestigious as being a doctor, a lawyer, a college professor-even accountants are probably thought of as having a better job and teachers probably aren't that far behind (and became overwhelmingly female after WW2).
Since 18-30 year old people are the most atheist/agnostic/"none of the above" segment of the population in history (about a fourth), this will probably only continue.

Brad Evans said...

And it's still "romans" and orthodox; you just can't get "Apostolicae Curae" out of your craw, can you?
Talk about the vanity of small differences!

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

"Since I don't believe in any higher power, I thought I'd address my question to someone who's in the profession and who might actually answer it without being evasive or condescending"

... and so you came here???!!