Monday, May 10, 2010

Rekers' Vision Lives On!

Until now it must be noted that neither myself, nor my less orthodox imitators, nor any other of the servants of the ceaseless internet struggle to ensure salvation and grace are only made available to those who don’t need them, have mentioned the recent minor misunderstanding concerning “Mr. Family Values” George Rekers.

The silence has, of course, been entirely appropriate. Only an apostate liberal would find anything untoward about engaging one’s travel assistants through a site with a “Warning - Over 18’s Only” splash page, and even deigning to comment on the innuendo concerning Dr. Rekers’ recent vacation and intensive one-on-one evangelistic mission would lend the improbable falsehoods currently circulating a dignity they clearly do not deserve.

Nevertheless, it’s come to Bishop Quinine's and my attention that there are indeed a great many gullible rich bigots prosperous and faithful Biblical Christians who believe every word of Massage George’s statement concerning the current “misleading internet reports”, and we feel it would be remiss of my duty as the World’s Foremost Doctrinal Warrior to not reach out to those supporters of Dr. Rekers feeling hurt by the reports circulating about a man they knew and loved (albeit in a different sense as certain young men).

Consequently I want to assure everyone who’s ever given money to support Professor Rekers or any of his shopfront “charities” that if they now redirect their offerings to me I will personally make certain the good work he has begun continues. Between myself, Bishop Quinine, and the other members of the St. Onuphrius’ ministry team, we will ensure every last cent we receive is spent perusing online images and profiles of attractive young people, meeting them in person, and letting them lift our luggage in which ever country the Spirit may see fit to lead us.

That’s right: Satan may have used his Scripture-denying serpents to bring down a mighty servant in the war against people seeking to live as God has made and loves them, but quicker than you can say “Viagra and two martinis please” another Biblical Leader has been raised up to stand (kneel/lie down/reverse cowboy) in his place, and My Beloved Sinners, that Leader is me!

So please, if like us you’ve been devastated by Dr. Rekers’ crucifixion, don’t let grief prevent you from continuing to support his vision. Send your money - all your money - to St. Onuphrius’ now before it’s too late for the young men and women to whom we are desperate to minister.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

PS. As an exclusive deal for all those faithful conservatives who have in good faith accepted Dr. Reker’s explanation I also have an exceptional opportunity to invest in Florida real estate. “Everglades Eden” (formerly known as Itchworm Swamp) is a delightful area which, should health department regulations be someday amended to permit public access, will make a wonderful location in which to either retire, or build the vacation dream home you’ve always longed for – what parent doesn't want their children spending every summer fleeing ‘gators in knee-deep mud?. As a special gift the first 50 purchasers will also receive title to their very own bridge in Brooklyn…


Anonymous said...

By impugning the integrity of my role-model, Dr Rekers, you are deliberately trying to undermine my own masculinity. As a butch Curate, I am grateful for Dr Reker's medical advice which effected my own cure from homosexualism. A nude massage by a pretty rent-boy is one of the prescribed medical techniques to rid us of sinful same-sex attraction. We post-gays often have back problems which necessitate regular visits to You, Troll, think we are gullible. By the way, how much is a bridge in Brooklyn?

Anonymous said...

Why do governments protect religious charlatans and why are some Christians unable to decipher truth from crap? People like this should be jailed for fraud!


David G. said...

I'd rather be the first one to hammer in the nails!!

(now where did I put that plastic hammer?)

Jim said...

Today's post on Dr. George's blog:

methinks the lady doth protest too much

Anonymous said...

Only sadists would want to neuter people sexually. If genetial mutiliation and castration were legal, then the likes of these Narth experts and their mates, would see these procedures as beneficial in making GLBT 'sexually whole'! They are f*cking lunatics who need politically neutering.

Down with NARTH

Nelly the E said...

Background on the man under whose administration Rekers was hired by the University of South Carolina here and here. Holderman seems to have had a particular fondness for young men from the Dominican Republic.

Anonymous said...

I didn't realise Rekers was such a 'big fish' who was employed by anti-gay lobbists to give testimony in gay adoption case.

click here

How bad is all this stuff? Christianity being used for political leverage. Stinks to high heaven!

Almost an atheist

Anonymous said...

Checked David Ould's site. Why isn't there any mention of Rekers? Isn't David the US Anglican correspondent for the Republicans? Surely Rekers deserves a

Anyone who sees sexuality in 2D deserves to be gonski!

What is this anyway... a communal toilet sign?

Working on it

Anonymous said...

This is off the topic of Rekers but how hypocritical is this?
Sydney Anglicans are connecting with Catholics. I suppose they have to find someone to connect with! They've disconnected with most in Sydney... not to mention the world wide Anglican communion! They are the most divisive and manipulative group of people ever. Sydney people remember only too well, Phillip Jensen's rudeness regarding Sydney's World Youth Day!
Pride is a big pill to swallow and Sydney Anglicans seem to be gaging big time... and the rest of us just throw up at their antics! They sure hate GLBT people.
<a href="'feeling sick</a>

Anonymous said...

Ms Solemnis... heard you had the hair extensions removed. I know it takes a degree of skill and maturity to manage the length but you are more recognizable to your friends with short hair.

Odd couple

Anonymous said...

Thousands of Calvinists come to Neutral Bay for their holidays to hear me preach God's Infallible Word. Anyone needing a luggage-carrier should contact my lovely wife Jacqui who, being a woman, is my inferior. As you will see, I am a good-looking pretty boy who will befriend any old non-gay gentleman who may need a back rub. If you need a non-sensual Calvinist massage in the nude please contact me here:

Anonymous said...

What absolute filth! What with Deborah Harry singing 'One Way or Another'! Everyone knows there's only one way!!!!!!!!!!!!###############*****brrrrrrr!!!!!!!

Calvin Kleine (reformed)

Anonymous said...

I have packed my suitcase to go to England to convert Mr Rowan Williams to bring him to Jesus. He is a well-known supporter of gay clergy and other rent-boys. Soon, there will be no gays in England. Like Dr Rekers, I am going to cure them all!

Anonymous said...

I thought this was Sidney's wife!

Anonymous said...

No he's just infatuated with

but his heart belongs to

Heard it on the grape vine

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately Sidney belongs to moi!

Anonymous said...

Is everyone turning up to St Andrews Cathedral Sydney on Sunday 16th May @ 10:30am for Morning Church?

The topic
What's Going on Here? - "What about dissent?" (1 Timothy 1:3-7)
Speaker: Rev. Dr. John Woodhouse

We all know the solution to dissent in Sydney ...

Anonymous said...

Could obsessive anonymous please learn how to make a friggin' link?

It's really not that hard.

Lapinbizarre said...

I posted a link to making HTML links more than a week ago, Anon. Didn't do no good.

Lapinbizarre said...

Check the wonderfully appropriate cover art of Rekers' Shaping your child's sexual identity.