Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Job 5:3 (Look it up.)

People less Theologically Learned than myself (a group which, let’s face it, comprises pretty much everyone) frequently write and wonder why I devote so much of my inestimably valuable attention to little Peter Jensen and his “Anglican” Diocese of Mordor. “How is it,” they ask as their eyes grow moist with bewildered admiration, “that a Doctrinal Warrior at the very heart of the International Anglican Schism should be called to bother himself with a few financially dubious nepotists who not only make the Phelps clan look genetically diverse, but who also reside on that part of the earth's topography which is undeniably analogous to its nether regions ?”

It’s a valid question, even if I do usually respond by humiliating (in love, of course) the person asking it. After all: it’s not as if there’s anything that special about the way the GAFCON General Secretary runs his fiefdom. At least there isn’t when viewed in the context of such bastions of Christian freedom as North Korea or Burma. And just because the Archbishop of Sydney took his See to the brink of bankruptcy while simultaneously requiring parishes purchase pamphlets by the carton load from a privately-owned publishing company doesn’t mean he’s any more corrupt than, for example, little Don Armstrong. Even if this did result in that company enjoying financial blessings of a magnitude more commonly associated with striking oil, or importing white powder from Columbia. Besides, I’m sure the fact that members of Peter Jensen’s family just happen to be significant shareholders in that same company is of absolutely no relevance.

Nor are the Jensen regime’s house-elves really any more spectacularly sycophantic than those of other sects. Or at least not those sects that don’t consider sarin a sacrament and demand members wax lyrical about “the supreme sacrifice”. Certainly we can all name a certain serial liar (don’t bother clicking it: visitors from this site are blocked, but that doesn’t stop Google-bots indexing my link under “serial liar”, and words can’t describe how happy that makes Deacon David Ould) for whom the judges invariably hold up a “10” when scoring his latest missive for oleaginousness, but that’s nothing any regular at Viagraville can’t also achieve given a few moments alone with a picture of their quintessentially masculine heroes. (Incidentally Dobby, please don’t ever forget truth is a defense at law under both my jurisdiction and yours, and you’ve opened your desperately ambitious little mouth more than frequently enough to give my attorney an inappropriate bulge in his Armani trousers every time he dreams about the day you start screaming “libel”.)

No, the true reason I keep such a careful eye on the realm which has put more words into the mouths of African Prelates than Martyn Minns is because there is simply no other institution on earth with so many leaders capable of making Michele Bachmann look intelligent. Indeed, finding just one such individual of such usefully meager caliber is extremely difficult, yet recently I’ve been following a truly fine blog by one of My Beloved Sinners who is able to uncover from amongst the Chosen Ones of Mordor a new and delightfully stupid bigot on what is almost a daily basis! That’s right – a fresh (Lord, give me strength to resist spelling that as “Phresh”!) Pharisee every morning! Not even Bobby Duncan can manage that, and he’s giving away free mitres as an incentive!

And amidst this plethora of Conservative Christian calumny one of My Beloved Sinner’s links has set a standard which Believers elsewhere in the Glorious Schism can only hope to equal. It’s a piece which is actually a few years old, and I’m really not sure how I missed it. Nor is it succinct enough to quote here – suffice it to say that in a meandering stream of really nasty innuendo it manages to claim that the Lambeth boycott was entirely justified on account of the Church being in ruins because thirty years ago Americans ordained women.

Yes, he is serious. As he is when claiming that in Nigeria and Uganda the Christian Church “looks the same as when it was first built or even better.

No, I’m not making that up.

Really I’m not.

Look; just read it for yourselves, ok?

In fact I doubt even I could have made up the stuff there if I’d tried, and I’m Father Christian.


June Butler said...

Not even you, Fr Christian could have made the stuff up. I wonder if the Christian Conservative has had a look at the Christian churches in Nigeria and Uganda in 2011. I'd wager that he thinks the buildings look even spiffier today.

Brian R said...

John Sandeman use to comment on a number of blogs including mine and, although espousing the evangelical line, he appeared reasonable. Now he must have gone completely off his rocker. Shows how dangerous it is to cohabit with Jensenists,

Frank Remkiewicz aka “Tree” said...

Fr. Christian,
I followed your advice and looked up Job 5:3 and to be honest it seems to me you think he is related to the Wicked Witch of the West or his construction skills are really lousy.

And now my WV is: Resses so I will go play ;-)

Anonymous said...

It is obvious our antipodean brethren have had little contact with the churches of Uganda or Nigeria! As a social worker in cancer care in London I worked with not a few Ugandan Christians suffering from HIV related cancers – for which, obviously I am not making any comment about (odd tho’ that a nation with so many orthodox Christians, swift to condemn the willy-woofters in the church, also has a high incidence of HIV infection among its Christian population – ‘transference’ I think is the psychological term... ‘scaptegoat’ is another, when you think of the nation’s attitude homosexuality!). From the way many of these patients (often given leave to remain because their medical condition, despite entering or remaining in the UK illegally) regarded the few gay men on the HIV ward, it was obvious there was a gradation of ‘sinfulness’ in their eyes – there was a palpable contempt for anyone on Dorothy’s Facebook Friends’ list. They were very hot on Lev 18:22 but Lev 19:11 seems to be something not given any consideration – sometimes it was only when they died I was able to unravel the web of lies I’d been told.

Similarly the English are now held to ransom with the threat of being branded racist (indeed are often branded racist – tho’ it is odd people fight tooth and nail to get into and remain in the UK – despite the myth of overt racism, the UK is actually one of the most tolerant countries in the world!). Yet I noticed the person most likely to abuse a Nigerian was often another Nigerian – often from the same church.

A friend of mine, when a prominent (Evangelical) bishop’s chaplain, was on an official visit to Nigeria and was offered a bribe from a native senior Anglican in the hope of procuring a computer maintenance contract for his brother in England to service the computer hardware of the bishop’s administrative offices!

So I don’t think the Lords of Mordor should place too much hope in the integrity of the African brethren. I am sure (indeed I know) there are some good folk, south of the Sahara – but there is also a general cultural acceptance of corruption and marital infidelity; a strong line on homosexuality is, as we know, just a stab at the easy morality of going for a minority because it is too costly to apply the same scrutiny to one’s culture and personal behaviour. And given the other considerable problems these societies face, I think worry about the odd poufter is the least of their concerns!