Friday, December 27, 2013

Stanley Ngtali - GAFCON Priorities in the Pulpit.

Since the day New Hampshire realized how good Bishop Gene looks in purple I’ve been telling people over and over again that the current rifts within Anglican Communion have nothing to do with homosexualism. Indeed, anyone prepared to look at the things exactly as I tell them to can plainly see for themselves that personal insecurities about dearly held patriarchal understandings of sexuality, power and what happens to excite clergymen’s wieners when they think nobody’s watching play absolutely no part whatsoever in the choice of Conservative Bible-Believers such as Myself to inconsistently interpret a few Scriptures literally.

Which is why my heart rejoiced when, while perusing Uganda’s Daily Monitor, I saw that the recently-passed Ugandan anti-gay legislation took a primary place in Kampala’s Christmas sermons. Christmas is, after all, a time when preaching must above all else focus on The Bible. While I can concede there might be a time for nonBiblical issues like human rights and social justice to be mentioned from pulpits in passing (generally in the context of pointing out all the stupid things liberals consider important), that time is not, and never has been, when more pressing issues are at hand – like the crucial gospel priority for all those present who are not normally part of one’s congregation to understand how much the Baby Jesus hates them for not having attended faithfully throughout the preceding year.

Once again Anglicans still canonically resident in the godless west should hang their heads in shame before those to whom Our Church’s future has been
soldentrusted. Pause in awe, My Beloved Sinners, before this published excerpt of Ugandan Archbishop little Stanley Ntgali’s Christmas homily:
“In Uganda, there are so many injustices like child sacrifice, domestic violence, drug abuse which are now a big issue in our schools... I want to thank Parliament for passing the Anti-homosexuality Bill. I want the world to understand what we are saying.”
The world - at least that to which Jesus referred when using the expression we translate as “world” - understands you perfectly, little Stanley. If children, women, and school students, are suffering why shouldn’t wealthy and powerful men like you celebrate the Savior's birth by giving thanks that yet another minority group has joined them in their persecution? It's those for whom the Incarnate God means something more than a just means by which to control others that find you incomprehensible.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.


A Sydney Anglican said...

There are only two thing worse than child sacrifice. Ordaining a homo or a woman.

Leonard said...

I was glad that ++Stan-the-less-than-real-man focused on THE really important issue of demonizing homosexualists and didn't have to mention Ugandas favorite sin of all:

Human Albino Flesh Feasting...afterall, no sense in stopping out-of-control drunkness, smearing witchcraft and/or mentioning all the less seemly delectables available at the Pearl of Africa when you can throw the raw meat of a queer or two at the crowd gathered to jeer and shout for the Holidays! (odd, I don't think I've heard a Ungandan peep from Archbishop Peckerwoods Thorpe in York). Oh, what the heck, perhaps Homohunting will bring a lot of tourists from Russia, Iraq and beyond! Surely there will be a bounty paid to each hunter that brings back a homohead (good was to get rid on heterosexual undesireables too).

Leonard said...

Yikes...sorry I can't see (but I can still yak, yak, yak)...should read:

Surely there will be a bounty paid to each hunter that brings back a homohead (good way to get rid of heterosexual undersireables too -- no questions asked if gayness is reported)!

Sylvester Von Grabbit