Peter Ould embraces Scientology.

Back in the 1950’s, when I was helping L. Ron Hubbard (the “L” stands for “Little”) develop what the world now knows as Scientology®, my advice was that at the first sign of any criticism he and his clams should threaten litigation, and keep sending out intimidatory mumbo-jumbo until all opponents are silenced.

These days there’s no denying what has become widely known as The Church of the Vexatious Lawsuit has faithfully applied my teaching (although they prefer to call it “Religious Technology”), but it’s always saddened me that Conservative Biblical Christians have failed to heed my advice with the same respectful diligence.

Fortunately little Peter Ould shows my words have not completely fallen on deaf ears. Certainly I’ve been heartened by the efforts of folks in places like Virginia racing off to the courts in accordance with St Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 6, but generally it’s been left to men (and I use that noun figuratively) like the J. Mark Brewer to show what fundamentalists feel about free speech. Yet thanks to Dobby Ould’s envious twin Anglican Conservatives can once again hold their heads proud in the knowledge that they too embrace ‘Cease & Desist’ Slapp Suits as part of their evangelistic arsenal.

Since Petie doesn’t want his threat published, I’ll repost it in full here just in case something happens to the original at Father David Heron’s place:

Dear Mr Heron,

On receipt of this email I request that you immediately undertake the following actions;

i) The removal from your website (http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all digital image material that I, Peter Ould, of Ware, , have created and own the copyright to, that you are displaying without my permission.

ii) The removal from your website (http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all material that you havepublished, whether you are the author of said material or not, which consists of any words, writing, sign or other visible representation that is designed to threaten, abuse or insult myself, Peter Ould, Ware, on the grounds of my religion, race, age, sex or sexual orientation.

iii) The removal from your website (http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all material that you havepublished, whether you are the author of said material or not, which consists of any words, writing, sign or other visible representation that is designed to threaten, abuse or insult my wife, Gayle Ould, Ware, on the grounds of her religion, race, age, sex or sexual orientation.

iv) The removal from your website (http://fatherdavidheron.blogspot.com/) of all material that you havepublished, whether you are the author of said material or not, which consists of any words, writing, sign or other visible representation that is designed to threaten, abuse or insult my son, Reuben Ould, a minor, of Ware, on the grounds of his religion, race, age, sex or sexual orientation.

If you fail to comply with this request I shall take all necessary action in English, Californian and United States Federal jurisdictions, and in the Ecclesiastical Province of York of the Church of England under the Canon Law of the Church of England, for both the enacting of the above and the request for necessary ecclesiastical discipline for conduct unbecoming or inappropriate to the office and work of a clerk in Holy Orders, together with any civil claims for reasonable damages and the reclamation of all reasonable costs to the above end, as I see fit.

Further, if you fail to comply with this request I shall not repeat this letter or provide any similar communication before taking the action described above.

Sincerely,

Peter Ould

A little later he then sent this, demanding nobody be shown his earlier correspondence:

Please note that unless you remove my letter of 15:31 GMT 3rd August from your website, I shall take all necessary action in English, Californian and United States Federal jurisdictions, and in the Ecclesiastical Province of York of the Church of England under the Canon Law of the Church of England, for both the enacting of the requests in my previous letter dated 15:31 GMT 3rd August and the request for necessary ecclesiastical discipline for conduct unbecoming or inappropriate to the office and work of a clerk in Holy Orders, together with any civil claims for reasonable damages and the reclamation of all reasonable costs to the above end, as I see fit, regardless of the continuing presence or otherwise of said published illegal material on your website.

Sincerely,

Peter Ould

I especially admire the way little Petie has made threats of action in the jurisdictions of California and the Federal United States: if one knows absolutely nothing about the law as applies in a particular realm making empty and ludicrously self-important threats is always an effective way of convincing oneself that you’re more than the pillock you really are. After all, what possible authority could the First Amendment carry in the face of objections by a non-resident evangelical curate with a very silly beard and an obsessive interest in discussing his sexuality?

Meanwhile in the U.K., where libel laws have long been a much more profitable distraction from engaging in serious thought about why somebody might be ridiculing you, little Petie has bravely ignored the increasing traction being gained by the defense of parody: just because a notorious homosexualist like Elton John failed in his
action against The Guardian doesn’t mean a famous ‘post-gay’ evangelical can’t succeed. Especially since little Petie’s curate’s stipend will undoubtedly enable him to afford a much more expensive legal team than Mr. John's.

The most important thing everyone needs to understand about all this concerns the expression ‘post-gay’: I’ll admit that even I was a little bewildered by the term until Brother Richthofen explained things. He says that ‘post’ is a British fundamentalist term having the same meaning as ‘pole’, ‘rod’, or ‘wood’ in our part of the world. Or, as Bishop Quinine prefers to call it, ‘the Tower of Power’.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.