Just a fortnight after getting home from their Jerusalem junket, Bishops from around the world are now getting ready for another chance to pretend they’re important; this time in Lambeth.
Now it’s no secret that I’ve not got much time for the Archbishop of Canterbury, at least not until anyone shows me how I can profit by supporting him. There must be a way of doing this, or else Bishop Tommy Wright wouldn’t have risked never again being allowed to sell books in Sydney, but so far I’ve been unable to discover it, and it’s downright ungrateful of Tommy to not share his secret with me. After all, I taught him so much.
Even so, it’s wrong that so many of the lesser GAFCON leaders – men like Big Pete Akinola, Little Pete Jensen, and that other fellow whose name I can’t remember (but it might be “Gaydar”, since that’s what Brother Richthofen’s friends all shout when they see him) are calling little Bishop Venables a traitor for choosing to enjoy a few privileges .
In the first case, don’t they realise that it’s currently winter in Tierra Del Fuego or wherever it is Venables was forced to move in order to have his purple itch scratched? Who can blame the poor man for wanting to escape his miserable home on the sub-antarctic pampas for a few weeks? He may have unwittingly chosen to move to a part of the world were alpacas outnumber people by a factor of several hundred to one, but that’s no reason to hold him hostage, especially as it’s not as if anyone’s going to miss out on a ransom fee by letting let him go.
Secondly, since there’s supposed be a new New Cone starting up in the US, presumably with Little Pete at the head of the Forward in Faith boys (which is going to be the messiest thing to watch since they outlawed cock-fighting, and a thousand times funnier) what do they think Bishop Venables is going to do? Go back to gathering peat moss in a pathetic attempt to find something to burn in the Bishopscourt fireplaces? The poor man has to attend if he’s going to have any hope of keeping afloat once the ship he’s been aboard sails off without him.
No I say, that if any of them had an ounce of sense they’d be all following his example. White ants don’t do any good if they’re outside the house complaining about the timberwork: they’ve got to be right inside the formwork and joinery to have any lasting effect. Big Pete can moan about colonialism all he likes in Nigeria, but get inside Lambeth Palace and ram somebody’s head into the punchbowl, and then he’ll find himself really being taken seriously. So far the man’s been nothing but talk, and as a man of action myself I’ve got to say I’m quite frankly tired of it.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.