As everyone knows, I am a peaceful man except when angered, and believe the shedding of blood can never lead to peace if one's enemy is not wounded fatally. In the face of liberal unbiblical opposition I firmly abide by the Psalmist’s teaching, and so it gives me great pleasure to announce that FATHER CHRISTIAN TROLL IS REALLY ANGRY!!!
The cause of my righteous wrath is, as one might expect, none other than Archbishop Jensen, my sworn enemy in Schism. His recent attempt at an “apology” has been exposed as nothing more than a shallow plot to deceive the thousands of Christians who recognize me as the most authoritative Bible Teacher in Christendom.
The tragic facts are simple: as an act of Christian compassion I had graciously posted a comment on Little Pete Junior’s blog. This is a rather amateur affair, and Little Pete's son was bewailing his embarrassment when telling others about his blog (quite understandable when you see the thing), and expressing concern about the nastiness found on blogs in general (clearly he’s never been to one of his father’s churches). To console the poor lad I commiserated with his inferiority, and agreed that examining the vast breadth of evil throughout the real of blogging does indeed take up hours every day.
Naturally Little Pete Junior agreed with me, and no doubt appreciated my pastoral concern, because my teaching was instantly posted and remained there for many hours. Yet returning later I saw it had been removed, which I have no doubt was the direct work of Little Pete Junior’s father himself! Surely there is no depravity greater than removing Sound Words of Wisdom from your own child’s blog???
In response to this outrage my immediate reaction was to contact some fine businessmen from Vladivostok for whom I have occasionally conducted short-term missions involving the carriage of a lead-lined suitcase, from whom I intended to purchase a small thermo-nuclear device which I know they have been saving for a special occasion such as this. However Consuella has a childish fear of atomic warfare, and begged me to consult her relatives regarding an alternative. And as it so happens they happen to have young Little Pete Junior’s credit card details registered on one of their internet customer lists...
I know it’s not really the poor boy’s fault, and for a moment even had doubts about extracting vengeance on him for his father’s wrong-doing, but then I seemed to recall something about the sins of the fathers being passed onto their sons. Which is as good enough a reason for us to start having some fun buying things on eBay as any Christian should ever need.
I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.