Lies at Lambeth!

After all the mirth yesterday from Bishop Venalballs, it had to happen. The filthy liberal apostates at Lambeth have made Father Chritian really angry!

As if the Anglican Communion didn’t have enough foreigners of our own to contend with, ++Cantaur went and asked a Roman to address the disgruntled purple throng. And would you believe it – the idolatrous murderer of Cramner had the gall to imply us Anglicans “live myopically in the fleeting present, oblivious of our past heritage and apostolic traditions”

Now excuse me Cardinal Whatever-your-name-is! Just because your church is a few thousand clergy ahead of ours in the “touching-up-little-children” department doesn’t mean we’re the only one’s who’ve let some of the traditional practices of the past fall by the wayside. What about inquisition, hmm? Your lot haven’t had a good Roman torturer since Pinochet got run out of town, whereas we’ve not only got Mugabe, we’re the ones who’ve kept the art of waterboarding alive.

Oblivious to the past? We’re the ones with a whole faction convinced it’s still 1521 and the forces of darkness are about to destroy Biblical Christianity forever. How dare some trumped up papal yes-man who clearly doesn’t now the first thing about Schism witness Lambeth and then allege we’ve forgotten apostolic traditions? Then again, I suppose he’s never even heard of the Council of Jerusalem.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

PS. For everyone who so kindly enquired: Bishop Quinine has regained the ability to speak in English, and is convalescing nicely. Nor does he still think he’s Esther Williams, although we’re not sure Blanche Dubois can really be considered much of an improvement.