Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Prayers Requested

It is with great regret that I must announce Father Christian is unwell, and likely to remain so for some time. An unsolicited package of naturist magazines arrived yesterday evening addressed to the Rector, and it appears these were coated in a mysterious grey powder, causing Father to contract an as yet undiagnosed illness.

The parish and surrounds have been sealed off by civil authorities, who at this stage suspect he may be suffering from anthrax, or else is the last known case of the
1918 Spanish Influenza epidemic.

All things considered he is not doing too badly, despite having a raging fever and a strange luminescent froth oozing from both ears, although the later could just be a side effect of the herbal complimentary medicine Bishop Quinine has been slipping him.

Naturally I shall keep everyone updated regarding the Rev. Dr. Troll's condition, and assure you we are not only maintaining a bed-side prayer vigil, but have already made plans to begin shredding any incriminating Parish documents should the worst occur.


I'm Brother Richthofen, and interested men are always welcome to join me for evening devotions to Our Lady of Walsingham, which are conducted behind the men's Changing Sheds at the far end of the sports ground.

10 comments :

Erika Baker said...

Dear Brother Richthofen
I will meet you behind the shed to bring you an enevelope with used and untraceable notes to help you buy an industrial sized shredder.

With prayers for poor Father Christian, may he rest in peace.... whoops, that was a Freudian slip....

Fred Schwartz said...

Apparently brother Eric has fallen down on the job! I shall pray not only for the good Father but also for Eric. On the other hand I thought I saw Bishop Quinine doing research at Carol Doda's place. True?

Robert said...

Yes, I'm shocked that young curate Eric is not tending to Fr. Christian night and day!

Father David Heron said...

My naturist parish prayer group sends good wishes for a speedy recovery.

susan s. said...

Prayers for all the sick at St. Onuphrius.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

Oh, it's nothing...that "forthing radiant" ear symptom is a dead give-away...anyone/anywhere who knows their stuff...knows that this is a sign of exhaustion, it's generally attributed to overtly spicey reading material, using contaminated potions simultaneously and sucking up un-cut ethyl alcohol...best to clorox the who place and burn the magazines (you *do* know that overlyused magazines breed noxious contaminates that turn to powder when dry?)...dip Fr. Troll in a River of Eternal Delight(s), give him a 15mg Dormicum and let him sleep it off...he'll be "fresh as a dazy" if you leave the windows WIDE OPEN!

Leonardo Ricardo said...

"wide open" and be sure NOBODY crawls through them! NOBODY including, and not limited to the Sister of Divine Mercy/other!

Pierre R. Wheaton said...

I have a recipe for a "OC Mojo" liberated from certain bars and "private clubs" that once lined the streets of Olongapo City, Phillipines back in my days as a guest of the Subic Bay Naval Base.

Upon request, I'll send you the recipe. One shot of this stuff and the good Father will back on his feet in no time. Although the loss of short term memory and profuse sweating is an undesired and unavoidable side effect, it's better than the alternative.

wademcclay said...

Dearest Brother Richthofen, when do the festivities... I mean devotions begin? I'll book a flight tonight. Oh, and prayers for Father Christian.

Two Cents said...

Have you tried administering a "lambs breath" enema to the Sainted Dr.? I know a splendid and very thorough practitioner. Stop at nothing in treating this great man's condition - his ministry must continue at all costs. Eric must be sacrificed on the altar at the evening prayer vigil behind the shed both as an offering for the Dr.'s recovery and as penance for his great crime against the ministry of the one and true God Almighty, maker of Heaven and Earth. Once done please send me some dirt from Eric's grave so I may desecrate it continually. Prayers in perpetua for the great Doctor.