Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We're Back!

HALLELUJAH!! The spawn of perdition with whom St. Onuphrius’ is contracted for our internet services have finally succumbed to the power of our prayers, and reconnected us. This means we are no longer dependant on the Methodist’s wireless connection, and Evangelical Eric can come back down from the ladder upon which he has been monitoring them to see when we can obtain access.

Unfortunately after all this time the foolish lad has grown rather attached to his ladder, and is at present refusing to leave it. For the past few weeks we’ve been sending his food up there in a pail, which he then keeps after his meals and uses for any necessary ablutions before lowering it again, and once Brother Richthofen showed him how to tie himself to the rungs so he wouldn’t fall off in his sleep, he appeared to grow quite fond of the whole arrangement.

Bishop Quinine has suggested we leave him up there, but transfer the ladder, Curate and all, to the Rectory front lawn, where he can become the spearhead for a Stylite revival. He reasons that since the Anglican Communion has effectively revived Donatism, while J. I. Packer and his Canadian Nigerian friends are bringing little Peter Jensen’s Gnosticism to North American aundience, St. Onuphrius’ should identify ourselves with the Stylites quickly, before all the good early church heresies are taken.

He has a point, although I’m not too sure if Evangelical Eric has it in him to make it through the winter. Perhaps we may have to just bring him in on really cold nights, or perhaps we could rent him to a parish down south for the duration. There’s sure to be somewhere eager to share in the blessings to be had from a bit of as yet unexploited patristic insanity.

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

11 comments :

Matt Wills said...

I have been missing the GAFCON treatment recently...

+clumber said...

Thanks be to God! I think an investigation of what liberal cult is to blame for your "Internet Interruptus" is in order, of course.

But it does remind me of a joke:

How do you make a liberal uninformed?
Take away his Time magazine
How do you make a liberal ill-informed?
Give it back.

Welcome back, Father Christian... and I do hope there are no thunderstorms approaching, what with that ladder up in the air and all.

Fred Schwartz said...

I beleive that Evangelical Eric is ready and a prime target for a Breaker Anointing!

Robert said...

PTL you are back!!!!

susan s. said...

Yes, Fr. Christian, I have sorely missed you.

Anonymous said...

I beleive that Evangelical Eric is ready and a prime target for a Breaker Anointing" Fred Schwartz

Do you know that before I started hanging out with you guys...I didn't know heterosexuals were sooo FUNNY!

TRUE! SOMETIMES, often, I almost have heart attacks from laughing so hard.

Harriet Hillard Van Dyke-Chavez

Two Cents said...

Praise be to God, Lord of heaven and earth - welcome back wonderful counsellor and good Dr. !! I felt my spirit dying within me without your wisdom, provided with the regularity permitted by private internet connection. Methodists can be very unreliable and a little unpredictable much like raccoons and possums. It is good that your reliance upon them is ended.
About Eric - may I suggest leaving the lad be. Just send up a can of paint and a brush and you can hire him out to do some painting of eaves troughs or even water towers - just keep him tied to that ladder and wheel him around. A gentle fire lit at the base of the ladder should allow him to survive the winter.

Anonymous said...

I had to go look up Stylites. I do enjoy the mental exercise that results from a trip over here to St Onuphrius--now that's some priest, who can stimulate an atheist lesbian.

So to speak.

Be careful, Dear Fr Christian, with Evangelical Eric if there are thunderstorms in the vicinity. That could be rather dangerous to your internet connection.

IT, the unrepentant.

Cany said...

damn liberals.

we should have known it would be THEM that would try to derail you.

and i have to confess a sin: i actually do get a kick out of those donatists pretending to be anything from episcopalians to anglicans.

they do get an A+, though, from acting class in trying to be the latter, in either case.

i know all will be well and the donatists will run the world, as well they should.

Kirkepiscatoid said...

Ah, thanks be to God that you are up and running again. I'm sure Satan was messing with the glory of your ministry in your latest internet woes but you have prevailed! Now...what to do with Eric....

Pierre R. Wheaton said...

I was about to go into withdrawal if I didn't get my GAFCON fix. I am sooo glad that you were able to beat back those Satanic geeks who tried to deprive you of the vehicle of your ministry. As for Evangelical Eric...hey he's an Evangelical!! He's into suffering. Let him be, he'll count it as a crown to lay before the Master's feet. A few crumbs of bread, a sip of gruel, wheel him out into the sun every now and then, and he'll be fine.