Saturday, January 17, 2009

Do you really want to hurt me?

Back in the days when Boy George was a fine upstanding heterosexual Christian lad, I remember being quite taken with pleasingly melodic tune of his called Time.

Sadly however, after having been ensnared by the terrible temptations of abominable hot sweaty man-on-man full-body contact, Boy George is now serving a different sort of time for falsely imprisoning and assaulting a sex worker. Which just goes to show that those of us who said the first steps society took towards providing equal rights for homosexuals were nothing more than a slippery slope from which there would no escape really weren’t the nasty ranting idiots we appeared.

At the time, when homosexuals impudently started asserting they have the same rights to love, marriage, and worship as anyone else, I tried to tell people that if we weren’t careful homosexuals would soon be doing all the same things as heterosexuals (as well as those who aren’t really straight, but simply live a lie in silence), but do you think anyone would listen? No: for having the courage to warn bigots everywhere that things heterosexuals take for granted would soon be also embraced by those shunned as “different” I was mocked and derided by people now being forced to eat their words.

Yet now we can witness the last straw – the sight of our world having reached the point where homosexuals have embraced the time honored straight-male practice of getting busted for beating up sex workers. What’s more, this son of perdition didn’t just do a half hearted job of it, and get himself a fine or suspended sentence. Oh no! He actually managed to receive a full 15 months imprisonment: the kind of sentence which makes any red-blooded footballer or boxer proud. Not even clergy can often attain that kind of result.

The next thing you know gays, lesbians and transsexuals will be achieving the same levels of domestic violence and child abuse as that of which god-fearing GAFCON-sanctioned straight couples can proudly boast. Gangs of gently spoken women in sensible shoes and their “friends” will roam the streets at night, making life unsafe for men like me as we quietly go about our business. Hairdressers and interior decorators will rev their cars at traffic lights, yelling abuse and generally intimidating decent homophobes who simply ask for the right to live unmolested. If only people had listened…

I’m Father Christian and I teach the Bible.

9 comments :

Robert said...

The reason there is always a slippery slope around us homosexuals is on account of all the lube we have laying around.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Robert, if I owned this blog, I'd issue a, "Please leave the stage!" order. You're a lucky man to have the good Fr Christian standing between you and me.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Troll said...

Robert - use enough lube and I'll always be happy to stand between you and anyone.

MadPriest said...

Father C. I don't think this can be THE Boy George you remember from your youth (and may I just say what an honour it is to converse with an upstanding, Christian gentleman like yourself who can actually remember his youth).

No, it can't be. That singer must be in his late eighties by now and certainly no longer a boy!!!

Robert said...

Dearest Mimi, I'm always glad when the Rev. Dr. is standing by me, or between me. But of course I'm eternally sorry to have offended a lady of your gracious nature. I beg your forgiveness.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Robert, the esteemed Fr Christian preaches forgiveness in certain limited and well-defined circumstances, and I believe this to be one, therefore, I forgive you.

Anonymous said...

Well, all I can say is hummmph! All these goingson (both in and outside the limits of my vulgar imagination)...as it turns out, it´s obviously best, that Boy George, isn´t able to attend the Prayer Breakfast to chat as originally booked for inauguration week in Washington D.C.!

Those Obama folks had him sharing the Lincoln bedroom with little Ricky Warren...but it´s turned out fine in the end.

E. Herppington Valoure

Robert said...

Dearest Mimi. You are gracious and charitable as always. My craven self rejoices in your generous act of forgiveness! And I hope the trolls are no longer bothering you.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Robert, only one troll today. I hope they will soon all begone forever.